In Search of the Happiness Factor

I read Author McCloskey’s blog recently that brought up a subject that I feel so strongly about, I had to expound. What it is that makes one person live longer than the next? She pointed out that the happier man lived longer and enjoy his life more. That is often very true.

Many of us work hard to take care of ourselves with exercise and good diet. Some of us are lucky enough to have good genetics. Neither of these factors appears to be a guarantee. Add a positive, happy attitude to the mix, and you amp up the odds.

I have been a student of human nature for most of my life, trying to understand what make us do things in a certain way. Happiness is not a subject I have a lot of familiarity with as I tend to be stoic and practical. Life handed me lots of lemons so I’ve become practiced in all manner of lemon recipes. Lavender lemonade is my favorite. That’s the nicest way I can say I was broken many times in my life. When you are in survival mode, happiness isn’t something you think about. You just want to stop the pain.

So what is happiness? There has been a great deal of research about it lately giving me the opportunity to do some of my own. How do you know when you are happy? It seems to be such a fleeting feeling that comes and goes with circumstances. Buddhists believe you can be happy all the time, in spite of circumstances in your life. I’m looking into it in a very serious way. My first glimpse at happiness started after reading Byron Katie’s book, “Loving What Is”. I hated that book but it changed my life. It’s one you throw across the room because aren’t done being pissed. I bought Marci Shimoff’s book, “Happy for no Reason”. I didn’t read it right away either. My misery was quite comfortable where it was, thank you very much. I wanted a reason to be happy. (I know better now).

You have to be ready for change with this book.

I still don’t understand completely what happiness looks like. Now that I am living alone, with very limited income and none of the things that “make people happy”, I’m often asked if I’m happy. My answer is that I’m content and working my way to understanding if that is happiness. What is the criteria for happy? I know it’s not based on stuff. Of course, books are the exception. With an attitude of gratitude, happiness soon moves in.

She did a lot of the same research I did. But she wrote the book.

I’ve experienced great joys in life with my children. Even traveling with my mother to her homeland where we laughed out loud and giggled like school girls still brings a smile to my face. Watching puppies also gives me that warm, happy feeling. Doing a kindness in any capacity always leaves me happier. It’s the moments in between that I think we have to look at. You don’t have to be happy about your circumstances; just knowing you can get through them can raise the happiness quotient. I have long believed the happiness factor leads to increased longevity. I’m banking on it.

Puppies are always good for the warm fuzzies.

In the quiet moments of your day, are you happy? How do you define happiness?

Happy in writing class. Half shut eye is parayzed side but I’m really smiling here.

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself

In Search of the Moms In My Life

Mother’s Day comes every year bringing a full range of emotions and memories. I am a very fortunate mom. I have two of the best adult children any mother could receive. Yes, they are a gift that I cherish every day. I’m also lucky enough since they feel the same way about me. My son has been thinking about Mother’s Day for awhile and sent two hanging baskets for me to put plants in and hang on my balcony. He ordered them from my favorite website, that gives extra food to the shelter animals when you order from them. I never miss a day to click on their site though I have never ordered from them. I finally got them planted this week. He also sent an electric sander so I can start working on some furniture I want to refinish.

This one will be in full sun. The basket says “Believe”

This basket will have more shade. Plenty of purple flowers there.

My daughter is taking me to my first ever, Mother’s Day brunch at my favorite German restaurant. No dieting on Mother’s Day for me. She gifts me with her time and company every week as well. That is worth its weight in gold. Brunches these days are quite pricey.

Mother’s Day always has me looking at the women in my life that mothered me. There were several that filled in the blanks. My first mother-in-law was one of those mother figures for me. She wasn’t all that fond of me since her son and I married way too young and she knew it. When push came to shove, she stepped up to the plate and was there to advise and console. She always said, “you can spoil a child with things, but not with love”. I learned so much from her including how to cook good, healthy meals.

This was a Mother’s Day and the little bunch of flowers really wasn’t enough.

The most important mother figure was my Great-Aunt Lucille. You can see that by the time this photo was taken, she had even mothered my mom enough to soften her and bring out her warmer nature. Aunt Lucille literally saved my life when I was a teenager in the throes of a meltdown. She taught me a different way to be in the world and how to loosen up just a little. She taught me about makeup and other things teen girls should know. I also had my young aunt to help with some of that but Aunt Lucille mothered like no one I’d ever known. I sent her flowers and cards once I was able, to let her know how much she meant to me. She loved and mothered many more even though she never had biological children. She was what you would call a “character” and I adored her. I wanted to be just like her and I really tried.

Mom and Great Aunt Lucille. Happy Mom’s Day.

So to all of you who are mothers, have mothers or still need to be mothered, Happy Mother’s Day.

“Being a mother is an attitude, not a biological relation.” ― Robert A. Heinlein

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself

In Search of Less Stress

It’s been an odd couple of weeks for me. It was raining babies the end of April. That has kept me so busy I haven’t had time to start on my homework for writing class or get this blog written on time. If I didn’t hurry, the babies will be in kindergarten before I had the gifts finished. There is nothing like adding a little pressure to an already self-created overload.

Here is a picture of the blanket I made with two pieces of high quality flannel and I embroidered the name and birthdate. The last name is edited as a protective measure. I’ve made many of them. These last two are different as they started with a printed panel.

A front panel that was in my stash

I’ve edited out the last name that is in the blank space in the middle.

One of the babies was the great-grandson of my ex-husband. His granddaughter lives in the area but I have not heard from her since we divorced. He called to say they were all coming to see me after the baby arrived. My ex’s oldest daughter was his driver. We are civil but there is obviously underlying hostility on her part. My dizziness from the stress of an encounter magnified but I didn’t want to create a problem if there was none. So I prepared for the visit and waited. The baby didn’t arrive until the day before he and his daughter had to leave and there was no time to come to my house. That resulted in instant stress relief. I did have my daughter drive us to the hospital to pay a visit to his granddaughter and the new baby.

I glued a flannel print from the panel to the card

I’m hoping that soon, things like this no longer create tension for me. It’s a process to learn how to let fear go. Now I still have my assignments for writing class to do and packages to get in the mail tomorrow but I know I can accomplish those tasks. My family wonders why I would make all the effort of creating these blankets along with a hand crafted card when they most likely will never be appreciated. My only answer is that it’s the right thing to do and even though it takes more time and energy than before I became ill, I enjoy doing it and do it for my own satisfaction.

Editing didn’t work as well but the embroidery on such a small piece worked well

My daughter and I found another way to reduce a little stress. We were making a trip to see my niece this weekend. One of her daughters was having a birthday so we stopped in for a couple of hours then headed back to the city. It’s an hour drive on the interstate which is usually bumper to bumper. We took a chance and found an old highway that would avoid most of the interstate. It took us a bit longer but it was so worth it. We saw places we would otherwise never see and it was so green and peaceful.

I could go on and on about what stress does to the body. Most of us already know all about that. What most of us have a hard time with, is finding ways to reduce it while continuing to do our daily life. What do you do to relieve stress?

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. ~ William James

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself

In Search of a Magician

I need a magician or a miracle but either will do nicely. The realtor must just not get me or what it is I need, no matter how many times I explain it. My daughter and I drove by a listed house yesterday that she had sent by e-mail. The price was right but I knew in my heart of hearts that what I can afford, I don’t want to live in.

A criterion for a home is so individual that I’m surprised anyone finds a home already built that is suitable to them. If I could find an affordable piece of land here, I would certainly like to build. I’d build green with good flow. That’s when one of us wins the lottery.

As we got to see the inside with the realtor this morning, the house had three tiny bedrooms and a jack & jill bath that I think they built in the closet. One of the bedrooms was tucked between the other two so whoever was in that middle bedroom, had to go through one or the other to get out. It was 1008 square feet which was smaller than my apartment. Yes, I know, I am so very lucky. The kitchen was miniscule but that didn’t bother me. The only reason I ever have a kitchen is because they come with the house. There was a workshop in back but no garage to protect my car. I looked at all the possible ways to make it work for me. It was a long walk on a big hill to the bus line and with frequent company, I need several bedrooms. The yard had great potential.

It’s older than I am and looks like I feel. Actually looks better than most I’ve seen.

I have given thought to a manufactured home in a park. The space rent for 15 years would add up to over $100,000. A condo is typically two or three stories here with common walls. My sister sold hers, getting just enough to avoid a short sale. She couldn’t do the stairs anymore either.

Walls for bookcases and a sewing room are absolutely necessary. I make quite a mess when I create. My requirements are to be close enough to my daughter to have help when necessary and access to activities. Demanding aren’t I? If I’m going to be living and paying for this home over the next twenty years, I would like it to feel good. Most of what I have seen is backed up to industrial areas, train tracks, or highways. Even those are priced too high to put the money and work into them for this old lady.

My magician needs to conjure up another $100,000 or more. It’s what they call a champagne appetite on a home brew budget. I really am downsizing and expecting a lot less than I’ve had before. So if you know a magician or a miracle worker, send them my way. Can you use a little magic in your life?

“Hope can be a powerful force. Maybe there’s no actual magic in it, but when you know what you hope for most and hold it like a light within you, you can make things happen, almost like magic.” ~ Laini Taylor, Daughter of Smoke & Bone

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself

In Search of New Friends

My brain has been on stuck mode the last couple of weeks. Author Mccloskey Speaks wrote in her post last week “I Got Nothing”, I had to commiserate. I’ve been in that same frame of mind. It’s like swimming through Jello. My mind is mush.

Two weeks ago, I started two new writing classes at a neighboring senior center. My local center didn’t have one. On Wednesday afternoon, it’s a creative writing class and I’ve discovered that I don’t do well with 3 minutes to write on a prompt. It’s the Jello again. Even the weekly assignments leave me with a vacuum where my brain once resided. The second is a memoir writing class. Should be easy enough, right? The prompts once again left me struggling for any memory of that particular experience.

Turtle looking at the pond

The challenge is good for my brain that is slowly repairing itself from years of intense stress that ended with the Bells Palsy. For the first two years after I came down with it, I could not complete a simple sentence. Everyone around me played charades. I pointed like a two-year old or beat my head looking for a simple word. These writing exercises are just that; brain exercise.

Fairy garden back

The other reason I signed up for the classes is that I am new enough in the area that I have yet to make friends. There seems to be a large turnover of young people in my apartment complex and though I’ve become acquainted with my neighbors, four of the apartments right by mine, have been vacated. Winter is over. Spring is making things lush and lovely once again. Here in Oregon, it’s really lovely all year. I’m hoping warmer, drier weather brings everyone out to get acquainted. I met one lady here who seems nice enough. She asks a lot of favors and doesn’t say thank you, so I’m giving the friendship some thought.

Chicks & Hens with Buddha

Buddha close up

In the meantime I’ve done a little container gardening trying my hand at a fairy garden. The outcome is irrelevant to the process. I got hooked after reading Gardening Nirvana’s post on Fairy Garden Frivolity.It has been so much fun and next week when there is real sunshine once again, (I can hardly wait) maybe I’ll do a little more playing in the dirt. Hopefully, I can then sit on my upstairs deck and see more than ducks go by. It really is hard making new friends when you are old, single, quirky and have moved too much. But I will persevere. My daughter needs a break.

Tumpta reading a book

“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.” ― Mark Twain

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself

In Search of a Ray of Sunshine

The sun came for a visit but refused to unpack and stay awhile. The warmth felt good for the few days it stayed. Maybe father sun felt like just another guest. You know the kind that after three days starts to stink and you want it gone. I might feel that way in August, but not right now.

I had a good time while it made it’s grand teasing entrance. Walking everywhere I could, taking pictures of everything else that was enjoying the lovely spring weather. I stopped to watch the ducks for a few moments and being very quiet was given a genuine gift. I had mentioned the Nutria in an earlier post right after moving into this apartment complex but could never get a picture. This time I was rewarded as someone had spread seed on the ground for the ducks. Looks like several others were hungry too.

Nutria in the water, ducks resting in the middle and the mouse heading for seed at the bottom. Look hard.

It’s a bit difficult to take a picture of anything while holding a cane but somehow I managed. If you’ve ever wondered how well a mouse can hear, each time the camera clicked, the mouse ran for cover. It’s a quiet camera. The only other mouse I saw was in an upstairs bedroom attached to the attic. Unfortunately, we had to trap the poor guy. He was too fast for my husband to catch. They can run up walls, by the way.

I see a vacancy there. Shall we check out the apartment?

I am feeling better, most of the time, so what do I do with that extra energy? I signed up for a couple of writing classes that I’m truly enjoying. It’s a chance to meet new people and stretch myself. There are homework assignments so I’m getting behind on my blog reading and writing. Maybe by next week, I’ll have a better flow going.

I also managed to get my spring wall hanging made and hung outside the door. I texted a picture of it to my sister-in-law and she said it was going to fall in her suitcase when she comes for a visit in July. Looks like I’ll have to make myself another for next year. Now I need to work on one for Memorial Day and July 4th.

My sister-in-law loves humming birds. She’ll hang it next spring.

I have also traced out the pattern for the next set of Big Shirts I want to make but those take some serious time. Don’t expect pictures any time real soon. You’ll see why.

How can a person be this busy without a job? Most of the busy is about getting well. Yes, I’m still sticking with the routine!

It takes both rain and sunshine to make a rainbow. ~ Unknown

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself

In Search of a New Routine

The saying is, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” It’s something which I seem to have a lot of experience. I’ve had a pattern since I became ill more than 3 years ago to get a ton of rest, watch some TV, read and eat food that required very little effort on my part. There is a V groove in my carpet from my bed to the kitchen to the chair and back again. Any wonder why I’ve gained (a lot of) weight?

Most mornings I would get up, get a cup of coffee, do my journaling, (morning pages) meditate, read my email and think about exercising. I HATE exercising. Just beat me with a stick and get it over with. I was hungry after the coffee and all the reading so it was time to make something to eat. You can’t exercise on a full stomach so more time would go by and I’d find more excuses. The fitness center is at the bottom on a tiny hill and it’s free though quite small. Another excuse.

Something has changed. I’m not sure what it is but I’m feeling better. I found a new spiritual center on Palm Sunday. It felt like I was home. Then,trying once again to do my Qi Gong exercises, I noticed that I’m not losing my balance if I do it early in the morning. Logic would have it that I change my pattern. Ok, I have a logical mind. Now I get up, turn on the DVD player and begin. One good day lead to the next. I only took Easter Sunday off. I didn’t need to but it was a good excuse. Then I read Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach for that day and begin writing my morning pages. Coffee comes with the e-mail. Yay! It’s watered down, half decaf, half regular coffee but since I’m recovering from a stress induced illness, I try to take it easy on my system. I just can’t give up the coffee.

A very gentle start for those who can do little

It’s a gentle combination of Tai Chi and Yoga Easier than most and a great start

On nice days I’ve been taking a walk, with my cane, of course, increasing the distance slowly after the long shut-in winter. I have no yard right now but trying to plant a bit in pots to insure outside activity. I’m finding that I can sew again and even concentrate enough to tackle a project or two that has been on hold all these years.

I’ve had this for years. Any daily inspiration works.

My health is the number one priority, and I’m finally acting on it. No more sitting and waiting for it to return. Being a person who requires routine, I’ve turned mine upside down and do the hard thing first. It will get easier with time. The e-mail will have to go to later in the day as well. I’ll scan it for business that needs to be taken care of, then proceed to the next hardest job. Does this mean I’m no longer insane? Hmmm. I doubt it, but we can hope.

Do you require a regular routine or can you just go with the flow?

The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine. ~ Mike Murdock

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself