In Search of
I’m new at this blogging thing. The last one I tried to post on Halloween went into the ethers. So please bear with me while I muddle through. What is it that I’m in search of exactly? When I say I’m in search of it all, I’m really not kidding. I’ve been searching my whole life and have been trying to figure out how to find some help along the way. Then I want to share what I’ve found with other Searchers. Let me start by telling you a bit about who I think I am. Honestly, I’m not really sure about that answer either but it’s a place to start. Technically I’m a senior citizen at only 63. I’m already on Social Security since I am recently divorced and unable to work or drive. To fill you in on how this came about and why I am in search of it all I will start at the most relevant part.
It’s been 21 months since I woke one morning with what eventually was diagnosed as Bells Palsy. Now I thought Bells Palsy was that your face fell on one side for a few weeks and then everything went back to normal. That’s not my story.Iit’s still an ever present part of my life. My illness was so fully involved that I was dizzy 24 hours a day needing a cane for balance when walking and a shower chair when bathing. I lost 25 percent of my hearing in my left ear and my eye had to be taped shut to shower and sleep. I couldn’t and still cannot drive a car because turning my head to look both ways throws me so off balance that it’s nauseating. Each week that went by I was grateful it wasn’t a stroke because it appeared to others that I’d had one and after the second week the pain subsided somewhat. But each week I wanted to wake up and have it be gone.Now, telling you about the extensiveness of the illness would take many pages and probably bore most of you to tears. All I knew was my independence was completely gone. So began my search for Health.
That led to my search for understanding. I wanted to know why this happened and I was certain it was no accident. I was pretty sure once I took time to look at things there was something there I really needed to look at. I want to share all I have learned and surmised from this because I see so many friends and family members struggling with the same things in their lives. I knew in the core of my being that things in my life were very out of balance and I felt powerless to right them. But each day I search for some joy and even with this very debilitating illness, I find bits of joy.
I’m searching for connection, purpose, direction, wisdom, enlightenment, independence, honor and so much more. I’m an avid reader and student of human nature. I require dirt to nourish my soul. I’d play in it for hours. I’d be sewing and crafting again when the needle of the machine doesn’t make me dizzy or I finally have a home to unpack my toys for crafting. My interests are varied with my extensive library of books covering all the subjects that fascinate me and then some. I’m on a journey without transportation. Please feel free to join me.
From my heart to yours,