I have family and friends going through difficult times. Some of them are so difficult that it makes my little illness pale by comparison. I have been thinking so hard about what I wanted to accomplish with this blog and I’m beginning to see a glimmer of an answer. Sometimes you start these things without knowing why, only that you must.
At first I wanted to find anyone who knew more about Bells Palsy or had experience with it. Very few people that I have spoken with had heard of anyone being as debilitated by it as I have been. I even spoke with a brand new P.A. on the plane as we sat on the tarmac for 2 hours before our flight was completely cancelled. She recognized that I have Bells but when I described the other results I had from this virus she was astounded. So I guess in some way I’m trying to educate while I try to learn more about this odd illness that few know much about.
But the primary reason for writing at length about an illness is not as narcissistic as it appears. Yes, there is some self-absorption but I fully believe that an unexamined life can leave us repeating the same old missteps. I believe an illness is first and foremost a dis-ease with our life. It’s our body trying to speak to us. And every person I hear talk about their chronic illness will in the next breath talk about a situation in their life that’s giving them great stress. Some may even be remotely aware that the two could be connected. They just don’t know how connected their illnesses and the disillusionments are to each other.
My illness was a gift of opportunity. I finally had time to examine my life and figure out how to make it better. My life wasn’t as bad as so many I see. But it was draining my spirit and my resources emotionally. I don’t have several children to feed or a 50 year investment with a partner that can’t help himself but I know that even in those situations, if you don’t find a way to make a major shift, it will eventually cost you your life. It could end up costing you what could turn out to be a good life. I didn’t know how the change was going to happen. But the How isn’t up to us. Once the decision was made to make a change and shoot for the fullest life possible, the How presented itself. Help came out of the woodwork. My family and friends gave me the means and opportunity to turn my life upside down in what I believe was an act of self-preservation. At one time I believed that I really didn’t matter in the overall picture of life. I felt that I was just a blip on the screen. Somehow, that perception changed. I’m no better or less than anyone else but my life was a valuable gift and I had to cherish it. That’s why I have to write these blogs. To tell you that your body is the vehicle you travel through this life in and if some part of it isn’t working well you need to look at why it’s breaking down all the time and get it running smoothly again. There are a lot of good books out there by wonderfully gifted authors that say just that. I read them all. If you are interested, I can pass on the list of the best information available. I just didn’t apply them until it was almost too late.
My life looks messy and out of control right now. I have no real home of my own. I stay with whatever family member will allow me a spot to rest. My things are in storage while I wait for the next bit of Divine Guidance as well as the money to manifest into my checking account. So far, so good. This kind of out of control feels better than the other did. That is the checkpoint. How does it feel? That will tell you everything you need to know. Safety and security are an illusion. So jump off the wall. The bottom may not be as far down as you originally thought. It could bounce you higher than you ever imagined. Look forward at the possibilities. Looking back leads to accidents. Can’t see where you are going if you are looking behind you. Do whatever it takes to get well. Wellness lets you know you are heading in the correct direction. Each day I get a little better and know that all is working out perfectly. My daughter keeps reminding me of that. Let’s keep this conversation going. Tell me how your life is affecting your body. Don’t make me hang out here in the ethers alone.
From my heart to yours,