I’m counting down the days till it’s been a full 2 years with Bells Palsy. Last week was a bad one with the dizziness as well as the depression amped up. Every morning I wake up wondering if today I can keep my balance when I walk. So far the answer has been no.
This week I aimed for small victories. They are of the psychological variety but help some none the less. I finally got together everything I needed to apply for my bus pass so all the drivers know I am over sixty and ride for free. It’s really pretty obvious but some have learned not to presume anything which could lead to an unhappy women accused of looking old when she isn’t. The cane is a dead giveaway but my hat covers my hair.
Then I took my ex-husband to breakfast for his birthday. He drove, I paid. We got our tax papers together in an envelope and after a nice breakfast he drove me to the post office so I could send them off to the accountant. It will be our last year of doing them together but I work hard to keep things calm and flowing forward. Just because living together doesn’t work, doesn’t mean we can’t be civil or even friendly. He enjoyed the morning and I found myself without the typical anxiety. I had him drop me off at the mall so I could get to the bank, take a bit of a walk through the mall and then ride the bus back home. It did leave me quite exhausted but at peace with myself. Since stress is a leading factor for the onset of Bells Palsy, I strive for daily calm. That was actually a big victory to stay calm and relaxed with him.
After an afternoon of rest, not sleep, I did a few chores and when my daughter got home from work we drove to our local AAA where I found out that members can buy movie tickets at discounted prices if you buy at least 4 at a time. You don’t have to use them all at once but you have to buy them in bulk. So now I can take the bus in the afternoon and see a movie if cabin fever sets in. Or I can have my kids go with me if they want to see something I want to see. Like I said, these are small victories for a person who is slightly debilitated.
Everything takes more energy than it used to so at least I remembered to take my B-vitamins. Then we made our way to the local health food store to pick up something easy and healthy for dinner. I have managed to cut out all the processed foods and sugar to give my brain a better chance at healing. That’s been a tough one on a daily basis. But more than anything else, I want my health. The sweet lady at AAA said her sister has had Bells Palsy for 10 years but it only affected her face. I managed not to break down when I heard 10 years. I have to believe that I will get well. Otherwise????
I put this out there every week hoping someone reads it and has something to add. A hint, a glimmer, a new way to approach this. It’s not cancer, stroke, heart or mental disease and I’m grateful. I have looked at all the ways I could be at dis-ease with life and try to make amendments and atonements. I am open to suggestions and experience. Looking forward to hearing from you.
From my heart to yours,