In Search of a Passion

What is it that a person wants to do so much that they would do it for free? That’s what someone told me was the definition of passionate vocation. That job, occupation, career or avocation is the thing that you bounce out of bed in the morning to do with the greatest enthusiasm. How do you figure out what it is. It’s a question I’ve asked repeatedly.

My last husband had passion for his job as a fire department mechanic. He would jump up in the morning so filled with enthusiasm for the coming day of very hard work. He was born with an innate ability to troubleshoot mechanical problems just by listening to an engine and then quickly making things work. It fed him in a way like nothing I had ever done for work. I think the most fascinating thing was that when the situation on his job changed so much that he hated the thought of going to work, his vision gave out so he had to take early retirement. That was my first clear evidence of the body mind connection.

There are lots of books out there that supposedly will show you how to find your passion. I think I’ve read them all, doing the exercises required and still find more questions than answers. Having passion for your work brings passion for life or is it the other way around?

Needing to make an augmenting income to my little Social Security check, it has been suggested that I need to find some passive income. Most days I can do no more than an hour or two of real concentrated work on anything courtesy of Bells Palsy. For most of my life I was the proverbial white tornado. I went to high school, cosmetology school and held a part-time job while trying to have a semblance of a social life. Did you know there were only 24 hours in a day that requires 48? I have always worked hard and rarely sat still unless I had a child in my lap or work in my hands. This being still is a real challenge for me.

So where do my passions lie? How did you find yours? I guess the number one thing I love is books. Getting lost in a story when I was growing up made the rest of life more bearable. Put me in a bookstore and give me a cot to sleep on with even minimal access to food; you can color me one happy camper. That’s a fantasy of mine. Fabric stores come in second to book stores. To me fabrics are a form of art and inspiration.

I go in and touch each piece and see in my mind’s eye what it can become. I’ve often thought it would be fun to have a combination of both a book and fabric store, unfortunately, each are businesses dying on the vine and I have no capital. I did work in a fabric store for a year or two, giving it up because I rarely took home a full paycheck and I had a child to feed. I was able to make many beautiful dresses for my daughter though. Sewing, sadly, is not my innate gift. Buying fabric and books is something that brings me great joy until I have to pay the bills. I actually had more books in my house than the tiny bookstore in the village I no longer call home.

An online bookstore crossed my mind but I think Amazon has that market cornered. We are on a first name basis and I provide someone there with a nice paycheck each year. I’ve sold some of my books back to bookstores but what you get for them used is so much less than they are worth to me as reference. They are all friends of mine. How do you part with a friend?

Fabric is a bit more bulky to warehouse for an online store and when you run out of a certain bolt, more is just not available. Ask any quilter or seamstress about it when they have come up short to finish a project. Neither books nor fabric has a good profit margin.

Writing is something akin to breathing for me. Can this be the thing that gets me out of bed with a bounce in the morning? It certainly wakes me up many times during the night with an insight that must be written on the tablet that lives in my bed. Titles and phrases all looking for me to breathe life into them. I’ve heard from so many really, really good writers out there and question whether I will ever join their ranks. It doesn’t really matter. I will continue to write until there is not a thought left in my mind. That could be tomorrow.

So I continue to search for that innate quality that will have me joyously getting to work. Now I have the time to do the research and with the help of family, friends and even people I have yet to meet, I will find it. Too bad dazzling the world with B.S. doesn’t pay well either. You are supposed to be smiling now.

“I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.”
– Albert Einstein, Theoretical Physicist

From my heart to yours,
Marlene