Looking for answers to life's questions

In this season of gratitude and giving, there seems no end to my list of things for which to be grateful.

On Wednesday, December 5, 2012, I stopped at the mailbox on my way to run errands. It was the first dry day in a week and since I don’t drive at all when it rains, there was much to be accomplished. Windshield wipers add to the dizziness.

I was not expecting any mail but i nside my tiny box was a thick packet in one of those yellow-brown envelopes. It was from a title company in the town where my house was for sale.

The first page read: Congratulations on the sale of your home. Here are 50 pages of documents to read, sign and have notarized. Well, that added to my to-do list. I would need to find a notary close to home so I searched the internet and made some calls, all from the convenience of my front seat with my smart phone. How did we ever live without them?

Arriving at the notary, I can’t tell you how relieved I was to be greeted by a mature woman who knew what she was doing. I certainly didn’t.I handed her the documents. The process took us the better part of an hour and with each page I signed, a feeling I could not immediately identify, crept over me. Before the last pages were signed, I was blotting quiet tears. What the heck was this all about? I had asked St. Joseph to find someone to care for the home and he had complied, within days of my prayer. So why the tears? Melancholy set in and stayed for the next day as well. I would miss that home for all hopes and dreams it represented.

It was a wonderful home

It was a wonderful home

I’ve been afraid to say a word about selling my home because it’s not done till it’s done. Homes have fallen out of escrow at the very last-minute and I didn’t want to jinx it. Yes, I’m slightly superstitious. How silly is that? Waiting until the closing completed, was a must. On December 18 at 1:18 pm I was notified that escrow had officially been closed.

This will be the last thing that ties me to the ex-husband and we can be done. We can both move forward in different ways. In deepest gratitude, I am a free woman in every sense of the word.

oh so grand but not for me.

oh so grand but not for me.

This Christmas season has brought many gifts. The best part is I have both my adult children and my sister with me for the holiday. What comes under the tree is just icing on a very tasty cake. I am filled to the brim with joy and I hope some of it spills over onto you.

The process of selling this home has taken a lot of energy during this holiday season so very little of my usual routine has been done but I am oh, so grateful it has found new caregivers. bringing a fresh breath to the New Year. Here’s a toast to mixed emotions. I am soaking up this moment, then I have to wonder, what’s next? What would you do as a next step?

Sometimes moving on with the rest of your life starts with goodbye. ~ author unknown

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself

Comments on: "In Search of the Next Step" (11)

  1. Congratulations on the sale of your former home and all it entails. I’m sure it had to be bitter sweet, no matter how much you wanted to move on. It’s good to have that chapter settled. I’m glad you’ll be with your sister and children for the holiday, too.

    I would let the details wash over me before moving on to the next step. I think you’ll know what’s next when the time is right.

    Merry Christmas, Marlene Herself

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    • Thank you so much Alys. Yes, bitter sweet is a good way to describe it. I did a happy dance but am ready to let some water pass under the bridge before making any more decisions. It has all been very exhausting. Just going to enjoy the holiday for now. Hope you do too. Merry Christmas.

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      • I think you’re wise to do that, Marlene. I hope you get a bit more snow, as good a reason as any to put your feet up and relax with a hot beverage. Merry Christmas.

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  2. Congratulations. I get exactly what you mean. My grandparents wanted to leave me their home, the one I was raised in. I didn’t want it, I didn’t want to live in the city. But when they passed away and the home was no longer in the family I felt all kinds of strange emotions. I still didn’t want to live there, but I still wanted a connection to the sense of safety and love I felt there. The home was a piece of me for 36 years, it was hard to walk away.

    Take time to enjoy the holidays and when you have some quiet time you will know what this next step will need to be for your self.

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    • Thanks for the understanding. My mother lived in her house next door for her last year. I feel released from so many painful memories. My daughter thinks wellness will be just around the corner now. Rest is imperative. This is the quietest holiday ever. Merry Christmas.

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  3. What a heartfelt post! I wish you much happiness in your next path in life . . . but meanwhile, just rest and “be.” Hugs, Katherine

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    • Thank you so much for your kind words. Rest will come after the holidays and then the be-ing will start. I can hardly wait to get crafting and sewing. Have a MerryChristmas. Hugs to you, Marlene Herself

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  4. eyeclic said:

    Of all the inanimate objects that we can have an emotional tie to, a home can be a very strong one because of the memories associated with it.

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  5. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this Marlene. It’s a hard transition to be sure.
    I’ve walked in your shoes, I would say “take your time”. Time to reflect and learn to be. ‘Couples’ can have an identity that consumes us. I once heard “it’s a bit of a climb, but wait till you see the view from the top”. Soon enough, it will all be part of the past and only good things will be happening for you.

    Wishing you a great holiday! x

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  6. LaMoyne said:

    I hope you are enjoying your son being there to visit. We had a great Christmas and I’m always sad when it comes and goes so fast. I always want to leave the decorations up for awhile, because when I do take them all down, I really get sad, because it seems so final.
    A very happy new year and hears hoping 2013 is a wonderful year and that all of us are well and stay healthy.
    Thinking of you.

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