In Search of What to Read

I’ve tried all week but there seems to be no end to my cave dwelling. Trying to understand why I couldn’t get anything accomplished brought me to the realization that I’ve been a human doing, not a human being for so long that I need time to refuel. The last four months have been quite taxing. Oh, gosh, that’s coming up too. So, giving myself permission to stop, rest and continue to heal all those damaged nerves in my face and head, takes a great deal discipline.

I’m also coming off sugar and refined carbs. When the munchies encroach on my space too close to the kitchen, I retreat to the cave for protection. Once there, I have no desire to go foraging. It’s a warm and cozy drawing me in some evenings as early as 7:00 p.m. I will read till at least 10, hoping to find peaceful sleep at the end. It works unless a neighbor decides to slam a door or take a shower at 11 p.m. These old buildings are not well insulated.

So, now you will discover my odd reading habits. On rare occasion do I read start to finish. That’s part of why I don’t borrow from the library. Some stories want to be savored for as long as possible. Other books, mostly my non-fiction, require a bit of digestion after each chapter. Can’t rush learning. I also keep several notebooks handy. One is my gratitude journal that I write in immediately after crawling into the cave, the other is my writing and thoughts notebook. Some nights I wake up with something that just has to be written now or lost. I rarely buy magazines anymore but this week I found a couple that wouldn’t stay on the shelf. They just followed me home.

Here is what is sleeping in my bed this week. I read a chapter of each until I get to the mystery. The one here is an excellent second to the first of the series. I read three chapters last night but still trying to make it last. I’ll end my day with something inspirational to stay in my mind as I sleep.

I took this old canvas bag apart to experiment on it after having my sewing machine serviced. I take it with me to try to start conversations whenever possible. Not that many people read anymore and I’m looking for slightly different reading material than many I come across. I have more room for books in my bed since my little dog is no longer taking that space.

Do you have books in your bed too? Or is it a furry friend? Maybe you just have people partners and your books must reside elsewhere. What are you reading these days?

My furry friend Schatzie sorely missed.

“A room without books is like a body without a soul.” ― Marcus Tullius Cicero

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself

In Search of the Cave

The holidays are over, most of the trimmings put away. I say most because it’s so cold out, I can’t make myself go out to the garage to put the rest there. It’s hiding in a corner for now. When the rain comes back, so will the warm. Then the rest will go down.

I have noticed this week that I don’t want to do ANYTHING! I’ve straightened out the sewing room but can’t make myself work. My last trip to the market, I brought home a notebook and a package of those plastic sleeves to put my appliance manuals of every type in, so I no longer have to hunt for them. I also brought home a package of dots. I am using them to organize my books; red for those read, green for those waiting to be read and orange for reference. I have an extensive library and it’s literally a lending library. Everyone that comes by sees something they want to read and borrow. I will never be a person without a lot of books. There may be an empty fridge, and my clothes closet has plenty of room and most of my clothes are 15-20 years old. I have my priorities… and a spreadsheet. I have apologized to my children because that’s what they will inherit. They also have the same book gene.

The weeks after the holidays often leave me feeling a little bear-like. I think I know now why a bear hibernates. It’s cold outside. The electric heater is struggling to keep even the living room warm. I don’t heat the bedrooms. I really want to sit in my bed with the down comforter and snuggle in with a good book till spring. It’s cold and cave-like. I feel so guilty with so much sewing waiting for me. I didn’t even want to write my blog this week. The brain is in hibernation as well.  So, how long can I get away with this kind of behavior? Does anyone else feel like crawling into their cave and hibernating? I wonder if bears take a book into their cave.

Winter is the time of promise because there is so little to do – or because you can now and then permit yourself the luxury of thinking so. ~Stanley Crawford

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself

In Search of my German Words

Though I slept fitfully last night, I was jolted up this morning in the dark by a ringing sound. Not the normal ringing sound of my cell phone where each person has their own special ring tone, but the abrupt sound of another kind of phone. By golly, it was the one in my headboard that I have in case I tip over and need 911. They can’t find you from your cell phone easily especially if you have an out-of-state area code like I still do.

My first thought was my neighbors are going to flip being awakened at this hour. I looked at the phone and the number was unavailable. I couldn’t figure out how to answer it or turn it off in the dark. I pushed some button and the next thing I hear is this familiar voice speaking in very loud German. Hallo! Siegrid here! I understood. But my mouth wouldn’t work. Once I turned on a light and headed for the living room so the shouting wouldn’t be heard next door, I answered. Yes, I’m here. It’s me, how are you, all in German, of course.

Lore’ in blue, Siegrid, the loud one in purple

She thought I forgot my words, but the truth was my mouth was stuck and so was my brain. It was early evening in Germany but early morning here. I haven’t been able to find the German word for Bells Palsy to explain what’s happened to me. I don’t know if they have one. All I managed to get from the conversation was that they were both, she and her sister, still well. As well as can be expected at 89-90. Siegrid has a birthday this month. I will return the call then. They had received my letter and were confirming that it was indeed my new phone number. I was delighted to know they were still among the living.So I will take some pictures and print out a small map to show them where I am.

Three old ladies sitting in a row. 2006

I want to be clear that these ladies are not relatives. My mother met them on the internet and we visited them in 2001, the last year of mom’s life. She was doing a search for any remaining family that was left behind in East Germany. It was her first opportunity since the internet had become available. The actual relatives dismissed her, with a too little to late attitude, but these fine ladies who had the same last name, were warm and welcoming. They adopted us and we them. Mom was shocked that as the weeks went by during our travels around Germany, that I kept finding more German words I knew. They must have been locked in a trunk in my brain waiting to be needed.

How I spend each evening, even on vacation.

A few years after mom was gone, I took my sister to visit. These pictures are from that visit in 2006. Once again, the more I heard the language, the quicker it came back to me. Now you have to understand, German was my first language. Dad spoke to me in English, I answered in German, understanding both. I attended American based schools starting with kindergarten. Mom believed that you spoke the language of where you were. We rarely heard German in the states and mom never spoke it in public, nor to us in the states. How did my mind keep all those words all these years and why couldn’t I find them at 6:30 on a cold Sunday morning?

The limits of my language means the limits of my world. ~ Ludwig Wittgenstein

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself

In Search of Progress

This first week of January went exactly as I expected. I’ve decided it may take me till February to make any real progress in my plan for this year. Instead of beating myself up as usual, I’ve decided to just relax and let the progress flow to me. I’m doing what I can each day and letting the rest go. I think that’s where most of us go wrong with resolutions, not that I made any. I’m calling it a plan.

I was going to join a few others with a spending diet. It was a great idea in theory. Until my son coerced me into an eye doctor appointment before he left. Watching me adjust my glasses to read the computer was driving him crazy. Four hundred dollars later, I was given a new prescription and ordered new glasses. A bonus for my money was that I finally found an ophthalmologist that wasn’t intimidated by the complexity of my vision problems and explained them clearly to my son. She also understood the vestibular integration dysfunction. The last ophthalmologist seemed to panic and walked away when I mentioned it. We now have a plan of action to deal with the droopy eye that clearly interferes with my field of vision. She has pictures to prove it when I finally get medical insurance next year.

The next morning my son drove my car to the airport and I waited for daylight to drive home. I don’t know about you, but I need GPS to get in or out of any airport. It can be very stressful so I stopped for breakfast on the way back. The rest of the plan was to visit the Fabric Depot in Portland. It’s 17 miles from my house so I rarely go unless there is a class to take or a much-needed supply. If you are a fabricaholic like me, this is like going to heaven. There is over 1.5 acres of fabric, not to mention all the rest of the goodies. This stop was to find a better stabilizer for my lace ornaments. What I had on hand, left me frustrated with the results. I did get it on sale and learned something new in the process. The kind clerk educated me in the art of downloading their mailer to my smartphone and not printing it out. You just show them the mailer on your phone and bingo, discount. I was also looking for extra large spools of shiny rayon thread for the lace but inventory was taking place and none were to be found. I’ll only get it on sale.

So far the only lace snowflake to turn out decent.

Portland, OR version of snowflakes this morning.

My plan this year has been to get healthy. That requires order in my home. So I started giving away everything I didn’t want in my fridge or cupboards. My daughter took a lot to work to pass on. A stop by the grocery that morning after filling the gas tank, brought home plenty of fresh fruits and veggies. I cooked up lots of lean meat patties that are now frozen and spaghetti sauce, portioned into individual containers to go over spaghetti squash noodles. I’m all set to combat the munchies. On the occasions that I go out to eat, which I truly enjoy, half of my meal always comes home so I get two for the price. That included breakfast.

The rest of the week has been spent cleaning, doing laundry and putting things back after the wonderful holiday with my children. A little at a time but I think I’m making progress. Wish I could say the same thing about my lace snowflakes. My motto this week in addition to learn something new every day is “I’ll get there yet”. How are you doing with your plan, resolution, or goal?

“People often say motivation doesn’t last. Neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.” Zig Ziglar ~ Motivational author and speaker

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself

In Search of Imagination

It’s a new year and I must decide what to make of it. I want to write my stories as well as make things to give as gifts. Something tangible to say ”Yes, I was here”. While I’m at it, if there is a magic genie out there, I want to be thin, rich, and beautiful. Guess who the genie has to be?

Reading other bloggers writing has recently left me totally blown away by the level of creativity and imagination that they possess. My blogging friend at Gardening Nirvana writes about her garden and her fairy gardens. The imagination that goes into her fairy gardens actually left me breathless and stunned. I have no concept of how that level of imagination works. Another blogging friend at Boomdeeadda writes about her crafts that are so fun and delightful, I feel as though I have been sitting under a rainbow while I read.

I, on the other hand, write “just the facts ma’am”. Life for me has been real and tight. Budgets were tight, shoes were tight, emotions and rules, tighter still. Imagination was not something that was encouraged in our home. We colored in the lines at school and not at all at home. I was once given a paint by number set by someone other than my parents, somehow managing to get paint on my clothes in the process of completing the picture. Getting paint on my clothes created a crisis in our house since I had so few. I had to get work with neighbors to raise the money to buy new clothes. I was 12 at the time.

How do you go from paint by number to fairy gardens? I wish I knew. All of my projects have directions and if I don’t understand the directions or do them incorrectly, everything comes to a grinding halt. I’m afraid I may have passed that on to some degree to my children. We all graduated from the “Do it right and do it well” school. There is a place for that but I see now there is a place for imagination to rule the roost.

For those of you who are not sure if your writing makes any difference in the world, I can guarantee, it does. You’ve probably touched more lives than you know. I know I question mine every week. I’ve learned how to be happy with less from livingsimplyfree and the difference between Miracle Whip and Mayonnaise from Texana”s Kitchen. Now, she can write funny and serious. Every day, I learn something from you wonderful bloggers and I just have to let you know.

I’m trying to write happy and funny stories but I have so little experience with them. It’s not even in the realm of my imagination. Another blogging friend writes about reducing her life to the smallest footprint possible. I’ve lived that most of my life. I know it well. I want to imagine a big life, filled with joy and toys and happy experiences. Why didn’t anyone tell me that imagination was the most vital key to a fulfilling life? Now, how do I develop one? That’s what I want to learn next.

“I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.” ― Albert Einstein

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself