I’ve found that if I don’t write what’s true for me, I can’t get anything on the page. To be truthful about who we are is essential to our well-being. I had to find out the hard way. Could it be my German stubbornness at work here?
In all my searching, this is what it boils down to; spiritual searching. It encompasses the search for passion, right livelihood, belonging, purpose and all the rest. I present my fluffy self to the world in hopes of being accepted. It’s a natural human desire. But something in me always seems to be out of step and I beat a hasty retreat.
In my personal library, I have over 140 books relating to my spiritual search. They include “Power vs. Force” by David Hawkins MD and “The Holographic Universe” by Michael Talbot. My deepest interests are in metaphysics, quantum physics, philosophy, psychology, and anything to do with spirituality. You’d think by now I have all the answers. I don’t, but I think I’m getting closer.
I am an odd duck that remembers where her quack came from. That’s a long story in itself. This blog has been rewritten more than four times and shelved for many months. Against my better judgment, it insists on being presented. This is me, trusting.
I’ve studied some Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, and several versions of Christianity. There is a grain of truth in each but my answer wasn’t wholly there either. Trying to even define Spirituality is difficult. I am no more spiritual than any other person, it has just been my prominent focus. I feel we were created to create, be it a painting, book, meal, home, garden, photograph, hairstyle or bridge. When we create anything, we are often having a spiritual experience, if we are mindful and feeling joy in the creation. We see the Sacred in the ordinary if we search for it. I see spirituality and creativity as Divinely One.
What I am really about and what this illness of Bells Palsy has brought to the forefront is the need to delve deeper into my spiritual search. It has sent me into a self-created monastery. Spirituality is an uncomfortable and often hostile subject so my quest is most often quietly alone. I managed to incense both parents and both husbands. That’s putting it delicately. I really try not to offend anyone. It’s not about religion, it’s about connection.
My search continues to evolve. I’ve had many extraordinary experiences in my life that keep me going on this quest. Ask me why I have Angels all over my house and I will tell you stories till you beg me to stop. My family knows them by heart now. I will never try to convince someone they are wrong and I am right, because it’s not true. I am ever so willing to share my experiences and hear yours.
Life is happening for us not to us. Panache Desai
From my heart to yours,