Looking for answers to life's questions

I’ve found that if I don’t write what’s true for me, I can’t get anything on the page. To be truthful about who we are is essential to our well-being. I had to find out the hard way. Could it be my German stubbornness at work here?

In all my searching, this is what it boils down to; spiritual searching. It encompasses the search for passion, right livelihood, belonging, purpose and all the rest. I present my fluffy self to the world in hopes of being accepted. It’s a natural human desire. But something in me always seems to be out of step and I beat a hasty retreat.

In my personal library, I have over 140 books relating to my spiritual search. They include “Power vs. Force” by David Hawkins MD and “The Holographic Universe” by Michael Talbot. My deepest interests are in metaphysics, quantum physics, philosophy, psychology, and anything to do with spirituality. You’d think by now I have all the answers. I don’t, but I think I’m getting closer.

I am an odd duck that remembers where her quack came from. That’s a long story in itself. This blog has been rewritten more than four times and shelved for many months. Against my better judgment, it insists on being presented. This is me, trusting.

Ganesha, the remover of obstacles. Like St. Joseph the seller of homes. I was the biggest obstacle and finally got out of my own way.

Ganesha, the remover of obstacles. Like St. Joseph the seller of homes. I was the biggest obstacle and finally got out of my own way.

I’ve studied some Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, and several versions of Christianity. There is a grain of truth in each but my answer wasn’t wholly there either. Trying to even define Spirituality is difficult. I am no more spiritual than any other person, it has just been my prominent focus. I feel we were created to create, be it a painting, book, meal, home, garden, photograph, hairstyle or bridge. When we create anything, we are often having a spiritual experience, if we are mindful and feeling joy in the creation. We see the Sacred in the ordinary if we search for it. I see spirituality and creativity as Divinely One.

I painted her 15 years ago because she moved me to do so.

I painted her 15 years ago because she moved me to do so.

What I am really about and what this illness of Bells Palsy has brought to the forefront is the need to delve deeper into my spiritual search. It has sent me into a self-created monastery. Spirituality is an uncomfortable and often hostile subject so my quest is most often quietly alone. I managed to incense both parents and both husbands. That’s putting it delicately. I really try not to offend anyone. It’s not about religion, it’s about connection.

I've never seen an Angel that looked like this but it's the representation that matters. I tried to paint a glow.

I’ve never seen an Angel that looked like this but it’s the representation that matters. I tried to paint a glow.

My search continues to evolve. I’ve had many extraordinary experiences in my life that keep me going on this quest. Ask me why I have Angels all over my house and I will tell you stories till you beg me to stop. My family knows them by heart now. I will never try to convince someone they are wrong and I am right, because it’s not true. I am ever so willing to share my experiences and hear yours.

Life is happening for us not to us. Panache Desai

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself

Comments on: "In Search of Spirituality" (15)

  1. “I am an odd duck that remembers where her quack came from”
    I loved this line in a serious post this caught me off-guard, but I know exactly what you mean.

    I too found myself on a quest for what felt right to me. I was raised with a strict religion who’s beliefs didn’t mesh with what I felt deep inside me. I have tolerated, to the point I am biting the inside of my mouth, criticism of my beliefs and the constant pushing to believe what another believes. But I don’t think spirituality can be set before us and told this is what we will believe.


    • Just imagine being raised by an atheist and an agnostic and demanding a spiritual connection. I’m a firm believer that all paths walked in love, lead to the Great ONE. We are all different so our paths should be different. I just tell those others to get over themselves. 🙂 I’ll say no more. Thanks for reading and commenting. This was a terrifying post.


      • It was a fantastic post I’m glad you hit the publish button finally. While my family definitely believed in their church, my sons unfortunately were torn by my spirituality without organized religion and my family telling them I would go to hell and so would they unless they believed what they were pushing on them. Luckily I kept channels of communication open and let my boys discover their own paths.


      • Good for you. Your boys are luckier than they know. This subject can be a long conversation. When it turns into you are wrong and I am right, I walk away. My dad always said there was nothing more dangerous than a closed mind. I totally agree. I am always open but like you, will not be bullied. Hug those grandbabies.


  2. I sometime think Native Americans knew best how to honour their own spirit and care for all living creatures in their realm. Take only what you need, share what you have. I feel connected to that. It’s important to live a truth of your very own, if it serves a positive purpose in your life, it’s no ones right to say otherwise.


    • Thanks for the kind words. I agree with you one hundred percent. It’s what I’m hoping we can get back to, if not as a nation, then as individuals. I have learned a great deal from them. My children have French Canadian Indian in their heritage. My daughters came out the strongest. She practices the Pagan arts of honoring the earth and all living things.. So many gave her a lot of grief about it but she is the kindest, most generous person I know. I have learned so much from her.


  3. Beautiful and provocative…


    • Thank you for the comment and for following my blog. I’m looking forward to checking yours out and so far just the first title has me intrigued.


  4. Those are two of my very favorite books. Thanks for reminding me to reread.
    Happy Spring,
    xo Deb


  5. You have such a beautiful soul. I understand why angels surround you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for reading that post, Cindy. It’s the one that means the most to me and I had to go back and read it again after I saw your comment. It’s as relevant today as it was five years ago, maybe more so. The Angels are still here guiding me.



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