Looking for answers to life's questions

I have been absent for a while. I kind of fell out of the boat and was looking for the way to get grounded. My oars seemed to be missing so the paddling was a bit difficult. I think it started at Halloween and then the time change tossed my rhythm totally off kilter. So I decided to just wait it out and see where I landed…or not.

I’m visiting my grown son this weekend for his 46th birthday. I was obviously a child when he was born. There are so many wonderful memories of him as a child and more as an adult. I’ve been blessed to be his mother. (insert crooked smile here).

I just finished reading Texana’s Kitchen post on “How to be thankful for boys.” Her tales about her boys required a tissue or two for the memories it brought up. This woman can write, so please take a few moments for some belly laughs and a tear drop or two. She reminded me of the escapades our children venture on.

Age 2 at friends home in Taiwan

Age 2 at friends home in Taiwan

The day my son passed drivers education in high school, he forgot how to ride a bike. Ambling in the door with a very bad case of road rash and a swollen mouth, he held his closed hand out until I put mine out to receive what was in it. He handed me his front teeth. I looked at him and quietly asked if he needed to see the dentist or the doctor first. I needed to know if his mouth took the brunt or if there could be a head injury involved. We opted for the dentist. Raising a boy for me was easier than a girl in spite of the boy type activities that brought the usual injuries. My daughter was the one that created situations that made my heart stop beating for a moment or two but that’s another story. The fact that he almost didn’t survive his birth made me appreciate every day I’ve had and will have with him.

His first 10 days. Then they let me hold him.

His first 10 days. Then they let me hold him.

I was taught gratitude very early in the game of parenthood. Letting go of control was also a big lesson. We are NEVER really in control. I knew he was kissed by Angels on his birthday as kindness and caring ooze from every fiber of his being. We won’t be spending Thanksgiving together but I am so grateful for each of his birthdays that I was privileged to spend with him. Now that I’ve had my son fix, I feel like I’ve found my oars again and can aim for the land of creativity once again. This will hold me till he comes to spend Christmas with his sister and I.

Have you ever lost your oars and how did you find them? Did you find girls or boys to be more fun or challenging to raise? I know I wouldn’t part with either.

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself

Comments on: "In Search of My Oars" (17)

  1. Marlene, I let the oars go and raised the sail! 😉

    I’ve kind of been in the same place as you, writing-wise. Recently, I stumbled across a book that I’ve started reading. That book led to a discussion with a (blogging) friend, which ultimately led to today’s post. Inspiration lurks in the strangest places.

    Have a happy turkey day!


    • You are so right on. Texana’s Kitchen broke the dam for me, That girl can write downright funny but this last one set something loose. I want to row downstream rather than fight the current. Sometimes a change of scenery helps clear up the bank you want to head for. Looking forward to reading if I haven’t already. So far behind. Thanks for the sail. I like that. Happy Turkey day too


  2. When I lose my oars I just coast for a while and see where it takes me. It’s usually worth it. As I don’t have kids I will take your word on the rest as who knows better than a Mom? Big hugs!


  3. I’m glad you’re back, Marlene. I don’t check in nearly as often as I’d like to but I still enjoy your posts! I hope that your son’s birthday marks the beginning of a wonderful holiday season for you 🙂



  4. I think the change in time and the earlier nightfall brings a transition that is often hard to adjust to, at least for me. I’m glad you found your oars again after some mom-son time and your sun fix.

    I raised two boys and always said it was a good thing I didn’t have a girl because I’m the tomboy and wouldn’t have known what to do with a girl. Now I have one grandson and two granddaughters, I am enjoying all three of them but find I enjoy the girls more than I thought I would. They are both a combination of the girly-princess and a tomboy so maybe that’s why. 🙂


    • My daughter was just too independent and challenged us at every turn. I knew it would serve her well as an adult but it was tough with a child doing it. Thanks, Lois, I’m getting my son/sun fix and it helped, Texana helped too. She usually makes me laugh even though I have no interest in food. I love her take on things. I wouldn’t cook any of her recipes right now but they do look wonderful. It’s her real life stuff that gets me everytime.


  5. I knew something was up and glad to hear it’s ‘steady-as-she-goes’ for you again Marlene. I did in fact lose my oars recently. I got back on track with professional help and the support of friends. Sometimes, it’s sink or swim and I’m no sinker. I am not one to suffer silently, I’ll reach out and grab on to what ever will keep me afloat until I can catch my breath. It’s heartwarming to hear you have such a close relationship with your kids, that’s wonderful. Our emotional health takes work, just like our physical health. I’m certainly happy you’re looking to be creative again, that always feels good.


    • Glad you found someone to talk to and get your boat moving again too, I tend to reach out in the metaphysical direction since my insurance covers nothing in the way of professional help. I’m not a sinker either. Maybe a bit of a stinker though. My emotional health is affected by my physical health and that’s just been so frustrating. I’m always here if you want to share privately. I tend to keep my stuff close to the vest even with family. I keep others privacy closer. I think you have my e-mail,


  6. What a beautifully honest post Marlene – thank you for that. It is so refreshing to be part of a ‘real’ life……….. We all lose our oars from time to time don’t we?- painful as it is I find that I come back stronger and clearer if I will just accept it and work with whatever it is I need to work with – and lord knows there’s always something…. 🙂

    My favourite quote at the moment is ‘There’s never nothing going on’ I repeat it to myself several times a day and whenever I feel a bump – I know bumps are there to wake me up, move me over, put me onto a different track…..there’s never nothing going on!

    I know how you feel about spending time with your son – I feel that way about my girls [I don’t have a son] There is no word in the English language that fits the strength, endurance, depth and intensity of the love we bear our children is there!

    Be well! Pauline


    • Thanks so much Pauline. I really like your quote and have copied it to remind myself. I kept beating myself up because I sat for weeks not accomplishing anything. But when I looked at what I did do, it was more than I realized. I’m solar powered and adjusting to the lack of daylight is hard. Also my health challenges me more some days than others.. My daughter keeps reminding me I still need rest to heal. I’ve had enough but obviously my body has other ideas. She tells me often, “Don’t just do something, Sit there.” We usually do the opposite.


  7. I’m glad you are back in the boat. It’s a little drier there! Sometimes it is hard to climb back in, with it rocking to and fro.

    When I loose my oars, I try to find quiet time to just watch things and people around me. Being aware and thankful goes a long way in righting our swamped boat.

    Happy Thanksgiving, Marlene!


    • Thanks for reading. I spend a lot6 of time alone and sometimes get out and watch people there when I get out. Gratitude is a huge part of my life with a gratitude journal I write in each morning and night. A change of pace helped a bit. Hope you have a happy Thanksgiving also.


  8. I’m so glad you get to spend time with your son and your daughter. I hope my boys (I’m raising two boys, no girls) still want to spend time with me when they’re all grown up.

    For me, getting enough sleep, exercise and time in nature fit the bill. In fact, I’m making an extra effort to go to bed by 10 pm every night this month.

    Thanks for sharing, Marlene.




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