In Search of Optimism

We are getting a whole new year. At least I hope it’s a whole one. I’m looking for a better one than the last. Not that the last year was awful, just…challenging. Apparently it shows up in my writing.

My stories for our memoirs class had a run of sadness to them. The instructor asked me point blank if I always saw the glass half empty. I just looked at her and shook my head no. Of course my face was frozen up from the stress of reading my story, so speaking elaborately wasn’t an option. As they proceeded on to the next story reader, I thought to myself, “Sure, I see the glass as half full all the time. Someone just shot the damn glass full of holes”. My optimism leaks out and is replaced with pragmatism. I read “Mark and Angel“, “Abraham-Hicks”, “Tut from Mike Dooley”, and everyone else that has something positive to say daily.

This is my computer wallpaper

To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure what optimism really is. The online dictionary said this is the definition: “A tendency to expect the best possible outcome or dwell on the most hopeful aspects of a situation.” That’s what my daughter does. She’s been out of work twice this year and after a month, she can’t pay the rent or anything else. I want to be optimistic, I really do, but this is not looking like a short term problem. She was out of work for two years before finding temp work. That’s all she has had for the last year and a half, temp work. What is the best way for me to be helpful? It’s very tricky. When people I love are struggling, it causes me to feel stressed with them and it affects my outlook.

I’ve been looking for the last year for a home to purchase. There is very little available in my price range. They showed me a lovely place where the bedrooms must all be passed through to get to the bathroom and had no foundation. The realtor got really frustrated with me for turning it down. I couldn’t afford to rebuild it. I’m optimistic that the right place in my budget is out there and my daughter will find a real job that she likes. I’m optimistic that my son will find work in this area that pays what he makes in Los Angeles. Ok, maybe not as optimistic as I’d like to be on that one. I’m optimistic that this will be the year I get well enough to drive where ever I want to go. Health will no longer elude me.

it’s too big and expensive but a girl can dream, can’t she?

I’m optimistic that 2014 will bring us all the good we have all been looking for. Are you an optimist or like me, more pragmatic? Has your glass been shot full of holes as well? What are you expecting from this New Year? Whatever it is, I wish you the very best 2014 has to offer.

Don’t know where this came from but it resonates

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself

In Search of a Bit More Time

It’s here, it’s here and as usual, I’m not ready. Where did the time go? I realize I’m a good time waster. I love to just sit and read or write or even watch a good sappy holiday movie on television. I know, I know. Some of you are telling me to get rid of the TV so I can get more done. Have given that great thought but in the healing process, sometimes you have to just sit there and do nothing.

My kitchen helpers are busy too

I made my lists, checked them twice but unfortunately, timing is everything and nothing ever goes according to plan. I forgot to make a shirt my son had envisioned for someone on his list because I couldn’t find the right shirt in a good color. So once he was here, I let him pick out the shirt and I worked at doing the embroidery, praying (really hard) that it came out straight. Very small shirt on very large hoop made me break into a tiny sweat.

It’s a play on her name and it came out straight

I managed to finish another batch of snowflakes with each taking 45 minutes to stitch out. I did get some reading done while keeping an eye on the machine and replacing bobbins as they ran out. Hard work? Not really.

The bakery is open and the fat friars are working hard.

Groceries were bought in the early morning hours when others were having their first cup of coffee so that’s done. But somehow, with company in and out and stuff being moved from one room to another to accommodate and visit, I let myself get too relaxed, falling a tiny bit behind, as usual. I no longer stress about the holidays but I always want to do one more thing. I just need a bit more time.

I’m not signing up for the winter semester of writing class to spend more time getting sewing and embroidery projects done. I don’t have the stamina for all of it but I will miss seeing everyone. We had a grand time at potluck in mid-December. Santa even showed up and had brunch with us.

Even Santa had a story to read. It was quite moving.

Today we go see family and deliver our gifts to the youngsters. None is all that little anymore. My daughter has done her usual magic and made our tiny purchases look like they came from Saks Fifth Ave. I’m always happy to have someone to feed and spoil a bit so having company is a bit of heaven for me. Cooking for an army is easy, for one, not so easy.

May your day be filled with all the good we received. Yummy!

So as you can see, I’ve run out of time and space and I know you have so little time left you probably won’t get to read this till next week, but that’s ok. Cut yourself some slack and if you find a tiny bit more time, ENJOY it! That’s what I’m going to with mine…if it shows up. Merry Christmas or Happy Holiday to you and yours.

Just one question. Are you ready for it to be over or are you already planning for next year’s Christmas?

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself

In Search of the Real Santa Claus

In Search of the Real Santa Claus

I’m going out on a limb here and telling you a true Christmas story. I think this was the catalyst for my deep and abiding love of the Christmas season.

I was six, living in Colorado Springs. We had probably not been stationed there more than a few months but I remember being in the first grade there. I also remember being bone cold walking to school in my pink wool coat, leggings, and hat.

I took this in the mall before Thanksgiving

Dad had returned from a tour of duty in Korea and my baby sister was just learning to walk on the hardwood floors my parents had refinished for a reduced rent. I loved the area as a stream ran close to our house and I would sit for hours listening to it burble.

My dad’s cousin Virgie made this ornament. Goes on my tree every year first.

Military families at that time were often struggling with a shortfall of income to expense. To make ends meet, we often got together at the end of the month with other enlisted military families to pool food resources to feed the whole bunch. Christmas was just not on the list of needs and I don’t remember having one before this one.

Six year old’s at school were all excited about Santa Claus. They brought me up to speed and I asked my parents about a tree. Well, dad decided to see what could be done. We piled in our beat-up old car with no heat and took a drive to the woods to see if dad could cut one down. How was I to know we couldn’t afford to buy one?

A peaceful Christmas

Dad got out his trusty pocket knife and went to work on a small sapling. It wouldn’t budge to the dull blade. I was heartbroken but too cold to complain. Heading back into the house my mom and dad went to un-swaddle my sister. As I stood at the dark door frame, there was a shadow to my right. I called out and asked my parents to come look.

There on the dark porch of our lonely little house, stood a good-sized Christmas tree leaning against the wall. No note nor another human around anywhere. Santa Claus had brought us our very own tree. I don’t think we even had a tree stand but mom and dad just looked at each other so perplexed that I could tell they had no clue where it came from. I was already an experienced reader of people so I was certain they weren’t putting on for my benefit. Santa Claus was re

I believed in Santa for the rest of my life. The Santa that lives in the hearts of kind people who know how to silently and anonymously reach out and give aid to a struggling family. Santa taught me that there was good in a world that is too often demanding and cruel. I didn’t need toys; I had a tree and the scent was luscious. For many years after, while my siblings were still young, I would sit with them in our room while we waited for Santa to come. Then we finally heard the tinkling of his bells way up in the air as he made his way to the top of our apartment building. No, we didn’t need a fireplace. Santa magically dropped the few items for us right through the walls.

These have all found new homes for the holidays

My parents never knew who put the tree there but I found out later that there was a neighbor who tried to bring my mother a chicken to cook for dinner. Problem was, the chicken was still alive and mom didn’t know how to cook. She gave it back. They took it home, dressed it, cooked it and brought it back. There is good in the world year round and sometimes I call it Santa Claus.

Do you still believe?

May your holiday be everything your heart needs to be full.

Merry Christmas
From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself

In Search of the Christmas List

I’ll admit it right now for all to know; I’m a list maker. My family makes fun of me but I have less problem with things being forgotten. I even have a sticky notes app for my computer. There are reminders to check the bank balance, order gift books online, etc.

I have lists in my smart phone. Grocery lists, gift lists, lists of things I need to remember, things I want to make, things I need to get done, and the lists go on and on.

Made this for my daughter to aid in her job as family gift wrapper.

I sat down with my cup of coffee and wrote out my Christmas list. Not the one to Santa asking for things I certainly don’t need, but the one to keep me on track to get everything accomplished for the holiday in a timely manner. I forgot to put mailing cards to Germany and Australia this week on the list. I keep burying my list under all the things I’m doing.

I wanted to finish gifts for a long-time friend who just had a birthday and rushed them to the post office. They actually arrived on time. I have my tree up but I’ve lost my tree top Angel. I’m going to get better organized this year. That’s going on my list when I find it. I’ve started following Organized at Heart for some help with that.

A thread catcher for my quilting friend.

She can’t find things with her name on them. I washed & pressed before sending

I have my box of old left-over Christmas cards out that will be used this year. My card list is getting shorter and shorter so there is no need to purchase new. What I’m wondering about right now is how to display some of my favorites in a display that could actually stay up all year-long. I have so many different Angel cards that are too beautiful to put away. Checked Pinterest for ideas and I’m sure someone has come up with it, I just haven’t found it. I love the artwork on some cards so much that I buy extra.

This was one of my favorites but I always worry about offending.

My daughter was over yesterday for another day of heating the apartment with the oven. She made two batches of oatmeal/coconut cookies for the holiday. One more scratched off the list. Four more to go but on cold days, it makes sense to bake.

Would like to include one in each card. My friend got hers early.

I have gifts to mail and almost forgot to put that on my list. It pops up now and then for me to add and subtract from. There it is, under the stack of blankets I have to keep me warm while I sit with my laptop. Maybe I can tie a bell to it. My daughter laughed at me when she noticed I had four notebooks sitting on my couch. Each has a different job.

Why do lists keep getting longer instead of shorter as we get things done? Funny thing though, even with the list getting longer, I’m more relaxed than ever over holiday preparations. I want to enjoy every moment of this wonderful holiday season.

Do you keep lists of things or can you remember everything without one.

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself