Life Lesson #1

I’m an old woman by some standards and very grateful to have reached old age. Not all are as fortunate. I hear a lot of comments about “old age isn’t for sissies” or “getting old is a bitch”. While both might be true, I’m always delighted that I get to wake up again and start another day full of the ordinary and extraordinary.

Just because I’m old doesn’t mean I have nothing left to learn. Some of my lessons have been a long time coming. Having trudged through life as a nomad, I’ve always had the feeling that I did not fit anywhere. I’ve talked about this before and such an ingrained feeling is a hard one to shake. But shake it I have. The lesson came when I was invited back to the same retreat I went to almost a year ago in April. I had a great time. I worked hard to keep going back to my quilt groups with that kind of feeling. I’ve finally come to the realization that the feeling isn’t a fact. I know this intellectually but to feel it deep in my heart was a big step.

I’m obviously not the only one struggling with this.

My presence was requested at this slightly different group of women at the same retreat place! It finally at that moment settled into my cells that my feelings were just that, feelings.

It will be a different experience because you can’t step into the same river twice. Every experience is unique. I’ve decided that I will have a good time and learn as much as possible while there. It’s always my choice to either relax and enjoy or live with the fear of fitting in.

Only three nights with two half days is long enough for me. I’m hoping to finish a project that has been waiting a very long while to be started. As a beginner, I need all the help I can get and welcome it. I’ve almost completed two other projects I’ve been working on for quite a while. Photos to follow shortly.

In the meantime, here are photos of a gift I sent off before the holidays but didn’t get time to post. It’s a cheaters quilt panel but the colors were to fun to pass up. I put a couple of borders on and the backing and binding along with minimal quilting. There is also a sleeve in back for hanging. My first ever.

Decorative stitching worked better for me than trying to quilt around the design

We also did a second little Christmas for my friend’s son. This way he wasn’t so overwhelmed with gifts at Christmas. I’m hoping to see more of him as the weather gets better and I feel more rested. I’m still waiting for that to happen.

I’ve open all the presents, read the books, played with the toys, now what?

Do you ever have feelings that should be questioned?

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself

Sleep, sweet sleep

Do you wake up in the morning ready to take on the day with gusto? Has your sleep been restorative, filled with wonderful dreams? You can count yourself lucky indeed.

 

I haven’t counted myself lucky for a very long time. Going to sleep isn’t the problem. In 5 minutes, I’m gone. But if something were to wake me in the first few minutes to the first few hours, it’s all over. I don’t just drop back off to sleep. Most mornings I woke more tired than when I went to bed.

That could be me exactly.

I sent myself to the doctor for a sleep study. Turns out that I stopped breathing every couple of minutes. Not good. Brain cells die every time that happens. No wonder I can’t remember anything. Makes it hard to put coherent sentences together and it’s a contributing factor to weight gain, high blood pressure, stroke, heart failure, and even depression. Did that scare me? Oh yeah! I wasn’t looking forward to what came next. The dreaded C-pap machine. Everyone said I’d feel so much better after using it. I’m still waiting for that.

It’s not very big and has a small container for water inside.

The night before I got my machine, I was awakened at 1:00 a.m. I didn’t go back to sleep. I read blogs and left comments in the middle of the night. After the machine was all hooked up and attached to yours truly, I wrestle with it for hours trying hard not to feel like I was suffocating. Up again for the rest of the night but still not catching up on my blogs. You all write some very wonderful posts and I have to read all the comments. By day three, I was starting to feel a psychotic break coming on. I changed the size of the nose piece to the extra small and finally, finally slept a whole 6 hours. That’s about how long I last so far but I’m finally starting to feel better. Of course, I have been working hard to get any extra weight off as that is a contributing factor. It’s one of those catch 22 things. Weight exacerbates the obstruction and lack of sleep can cause more weight gain. I will win this war!

That’s not me either. He looks more restful than I do.

I can tell you, it’s a good thing I sleep alone. The wind coming off the hose on that thing is enough to freeze anyone out of the room. One morning I woke up because my nose was frozen and hurt. I’m wearing long sleeve night shirts to keep my arms warm and a stocking hat to cover my head. Pretty picture, isn’t it? It’s not entirely quiet either.

Looks like I’m going into outer space with all that hose.

There are an awful lot of people out there that need one of those delightful machines. A few I saw were quite heavy but most were like me with just a bit extra weight to some that were quite fit but still had problems with obstruction or brain induced sleep apnea. We all just want sleep, sweet sleep. It helps us be more productive and creative.

Are you a good sleeper or do you walk around in a brain fog too?

From my heart to yours,

Marlene Herself

The Winds of Change

A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. ~ Author Unknown

2016 will bring a lot of change. We had high winds this week just to make sure I’m fully aware that it’s coming in full force. It’s going to start with my blog titles. In Search of: has been quite limiting. I’m not good with limits. It feels like a child being told to sit still and be quiet. You can only do it so long and then the squirming starts. I’m basically a searcher of knowledge. I’m still searching with the title being implied. It’s a spiritual search for understanding.

 

Does anyone understand why a teenager must wear pajamas all day Christmas day when visiting family?

Last year was an uncomfortable year. I was glad to see it end. I’ve been one (well, maybe many) step behind. My “to do” lists were always moving to my “didn’t get done list.” I had big plans for 2015: Get organized, financial solvency, finish a lot of projects that have been waiting a decade to be finished, lose the excess weight and find a way to restore my health. I have stacks of books to read and I just keep adding more to the list. I think I should unsubscribe from Bookbub. It takes me to Amazon and then I’m sunk. There are too many good books out there and I don’t want to miss one.

There will be other changes this year. Since I have been struggling with chronic fatigue I decided to have a visit to my doctor. Yes, I needed to shed a few pounds, (isn’t that always the case) but a sleep study was ordered. Turns out I have severe sleep apnea. Even when I was asleep, I wasn’t. So the C-pap machine will be picked up in two weeks. Medicare and managed care do not move quickly. Next on the list has been my failing vision. I can see the big things, not the details so after several trips to the eye care center, it was determined the removal of the cataract might help. It can take up to three months to schedule. In the meantime, the words dance across the page and I have to trust spell check to tell me if I’ve mistyped. Bear with me please.

 

Gifts made for friends barely done in time.

I have been off sugar since September with the pounds reluctantly wandering just a short distance away from the scale. I’m sure they are waiting to see if I’m serious.
Sometimes I am. It is apparent sugar and I will fight to the finish line as I love to bake and I don’t move enough to burn it off. That will have to find a resolution as well. I read everything I can find on how to heal the body. Sugar isn’t on the list in any of the books. Darn it all. It’s the one area that moderation doesn’t work well for me. I’m an all or nothing kind of girl when it comes to sweets.

 

Our quilt groups after Christmas, Christmas party. It was a hard day for me.

I’m looking forward to finishing many, many projects this year. My house painting in the spring, sewing and quilting projects this winter and maybe even getting to furniture refinishing projects that look at me and snicker at my inability to do it all. Let them snicker. I’m ready to relax and have some fun with friends this year.

The stealing gift exchange part of our party.

My sewing and quilting groups are feeding my social and creative needs. Writing had taken a back seat the last year. Maybe this year, it will move up the line of priorities. My house took all my time last year. It’s still a priority though more like number two on the list. At least for now or until the HOA comes by with a notice to get busy.

 

Made for my sewing group. Some of the snowmen have purple, not yellow scarves.

What are you expecting from this year? Do you have resolutions or just hopeful goals?

Happy New Year
From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself