Looking for answers to life's questions

Archive for April, 2019

Why Go Back?

The last three weeks have been more than a little hectic for reasons than I can’t explain here. It started when my friend of almost 20 years finally called to let me know she was back out of the hospital again. It’s like a catastrophe cloud follows her everywhere. She went to Hawaii last year and at the end of a wonderful trip, she stepped down off the bus wrong and broke several bones in her wrist, ankle and shoulder. Just when she was finally on the mend, she would take another fall. I mentioned to my son that I would like to go see her because she sounded so disheartened, I didn’t know if she had it in her to recover one more time. My son and his wife decided to buy a plane ticket for me to go see her.

An earlier trip she made to Hawaii

I knew we would not be visiting for long periods and on seeing my friend, a one-hour visit seemed almost too long. She is in a beautiful assisted living facility with 24-hour help. It was a lovely apartment and so expensive I couldn’t even stay one month, much less the year she had been there. She had another fall the week before I got there. So, on seeing her fatigue, I said my goodbye after the hour visit and promised to stop by on my way back to the Phoenix airport.

She felt much better at our second visit. Always the smile.

Then we headed up the mountain where the rest of the visit was with my son and see what they had done to the house and the pre-school his wife owns. This was going to be an interesting trip. I left there nine years ago after becoming debilitated by an extreme case of Bells Palsy and had no desire to ever return.

Gracie making herself comfortable on the sofa bed

Gracie trying to figure out why I was there. She had plenty of staff already.

Since being diagnosed with IPF, I wasn’t sure I would be able to handle the altitude of 6000-7200 ft. It was harder than expected. I was able to visit with a few other old friends and we tried some new and old favorite restaurants. They are a world apart from what I have here in Oregon.

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I thought about the home I had up in the Arizona mountains where it was often difficult to get things to grow. My son drove us by my old home and every tree I had planted there was still present and thriving. We had even gone into the forest and dug out a bundle of three tiny trees growing together that stood little chance of thriving where they grew. I didn’t want to damage any roots by separating them so they came all together. Three different conifers all growing as one tree still thriving after 19 years.

These trees were knee height when I planted them.

The house has changed, with an expensive copper roof and the little wishing well my husband  built getting one too. There were small changes like a house being built-in the empty acre directly across the drive from our house. I preferred looking at the empty lot of trees.

The new house in the lot across from my old house. Everything changes.

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The manufactured home next door that my mother had owned still had everything I planted there as well. It did my heart good to see the stand of Aspen trees, butterfly bushes, lilacs, an assortment of evergreens all still standing. It was a lot to walk away from but I could no longer manage it all in the condition I was in.

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That seems to be the case again now, so more changes are taking place. Two days after arriving home from my trip, my son and his wife arrived at my door with a borrowed pickup truck. Stay tuned.

Have you gone back to an old homestead? What feelings washed over you?

“Tears are words that need to be written.” ~Paulo Coelho

From my heart to yours,

Marlene Herself

 

 

 

Good Advice

I’ve said before how fond I am of Chicken Soup for the Soul books. I typically read one story a night just before drifting off to sleep. I take whatever I’ve been reading or watching on television into my dreams so I work to keep things light. I bought the book The Best Advice I Ever Heard: 101 Stories of Epiphanies and Wise Words. I’m coming to the end of it and thought I would pass it on to my niece. She’s young, in college and asking a lot of questions while getting every imaginable answer. It made me wonder about the wisdom that’s passed down from generation to generation.

Heard anything astounding lately?

I didn’t get advice from my parents. They weren’t the kind of people who talked to their kids. My dad would drop little sayings on occasion. “Never vote for an incumbent”; ‘There is nothing more dangerous than a closed mind’; ‘He who hesitates has lost’. Mom told me one New Year’s eve after a little bit of celebrating, that no one would ever take care of me the way I could take care of myself. She was a little late with that advice and offered nothing to implement it with. On rare occasion, she would spill a little story of something that she had dealt with in a way that taught me I needed to be strong.

There was the time she had a flat tire with my siblings in tow. She called my dad at work. Apparently he was less than helpful and told her to handle it. She did, Once the tire had been changed, she drove to the nearest tire store and bought four new tires. Problem solved. It was a lesson for him as well. She always said that when someone (dad) told her no, all bets were off and she would find a way to do whatever he said no to. Like how she taught herself to drive when he was away on maneuvers and couldn’t stop her. Those were sound life lessons for me.

Our Nash Rambler with new tires. ALL 6 of us slept in it on trips.

I picked up what I know about life from books, life experience and the School of Hard Knocks. Then I found out some of the books were outdated. I’ve learned to listen carefully to advice from friends and other family members, smile and weigh it for a glimmer of good sense. Then do what I always do, trust my gut. It will never fail you if you pay careful attention. The truth for everyone depends on what filter people see information through.

What could I pass on to my impressionable young niece?

My niece is still the smallest in her class.

Always be truly yourself. It’s your job. Be kind and honest no matter what it might cost at that moment. Do what sings to your heart, the rest will take care of itself. Read and listen to things that are contrary to what you believe at the moment. Take everything with a grain of salt. Only part of it may hold true for you.

People are filled with good advice. I think most of us hear advice with a tunnel through our ears. You know, in one ear, out of the other.

Did you get any good advice and did you pass any on to friends and family?

From my heart to yours,

Marlene Herself