Options

Do you sense a rant coming? I’m not going in that direction. The last two months have been a whirlwind. I get up at 4:00 a.m. I write a morning page as most days there isn’t time to write more. Coffee happens sometimes. I then dressed for my walk and once home again, get started.

First there were all the dressers to sand down after the kids left with my huge one. I’d do yard work until I was allowed to run the sander at 8:00 a.m. Then came the painting of them. I’m not 100% impressed with the outcome but they are done and in use.

• 

  Junk dresser ready to sand

• 

  Junk dresser 42 years old

• 

  Junk dresser drawers in need of help

• 

  Work in progress

• 

  Junk dresser facelift

• 

  Tiny chest laminate finish

• 

  Tiny chest from the thrift store

• 

  Tiny chest pickled top

• 

  Tiny chest in progress

• 

  Tiny chest pickled drawer

• 

  Tiny chest pickled and done

Next, I repainted the shed, fascia boards on it and the back deck roof. I’ll rephrase that, my daughter did the high stuff while I painted the lower supports on the deck fencing where the pressure washer had removed the paint. Finally, I got to the major job that I wanted done for the last 7 years but just couldn’t muster the energy to do. Now that it’s done, I’m thrilled with the results. My body, not so thrilled. Why now?

FINISHED!!!!

My house needs a new roof. It will hold a bit longer, I have been told, but it’s coming. The floor of the shed is sinking in one corner from water going underneath. It was built into the carport which makes any change difficult. Those repairs are beyond my capabilities and I see my options dwindling.

The back of the shed sinking

So here comes the rub. I was never, ever prepared for the life I lead. It wasn’t in the original script. I’ve been in massive survival mode for most of it. Maybe all of it when I look back.

I see many others who are also scrambling to figure out how to make things work in a world they were never prepared to manage. I am so much more fortunate than many. I have a roof over my head even if it might leak.

My manufactured home was a perfect solution 7 years ago. Now, I see it as a constant source of never-ending work and worry though I delight in it every day. I’m getting old-er.

So, what are my options now? I can sit it out and pray the roof on the house doesn’t leak this year though I know the porch roof has been leaking in places just like the carport did until I had it redone three years and $5000. ago.  I can try to sell, take a little of the profit to do a bit of traveling while my health will still allow it and move into an apartment or independent living where I have no outside maintenance. I’ve been asking a lot of questions trying to come up with the perfect solution.

I’m leaning toward a simpler life though I would miss my garden. I guess pots can work instead. Apartments come with their own grief as I well know. More costly in some respects while less in others.

I’m watching the for the cogs to click into place. Signs I’m making a right choice. I vacillate a great deal when I’m in my head. My heart says it’s time for a change. Why do I work so hard to make a place beautiful and then walk away from it? Is life about not getting too comfortable?

Do you struggle with the options life has handed you? Have you found good solutions and how?

“In life, we should explore options outside our comfort zone.” ~ Dani Alve

From my heart to yours,

Marlene Herself.