Looking for answers to life's questions

The Ugly Truth

It’s been hard to come up with the bandwidth to post since my life has no routine right now. My mind is a reflection of the chaos in my new home. It’s much easier to share my accomplishments than my shortcomings.

Would it fit? We got a bigger truck just in case

I decided to tell you the ugly truth here. I’ve had my ‘stuff’ here for over a month already and my place looks very much like a hoarder’s home. There is stuff everywhere and nowhere to put it…yet. It’s a total embarrassment as progress is slow.

As before in my manufactured home, I wanted the house to tell me what it wants. I hung no pictures so everything is sitting on the floor waiting. For what?

I sold three large bookcases that I didn’t want to move again. They were starting to show wear due to many moves. IKEA has no inventory in this area of the bookcases I like and there is nowhere here to buy anything similar. So, my son is building some to fit what little space I have to put anything. That will take time.

Where does it all go

I also left behind the flimsy drawers that held up the sewing table, which is a 2×8 sheet of plywood.

The move was hard in many ways. The movers came late in the cold day. We were already exhausted shuffling around things and chilled to the bone. The movers tied nothing down so my son did his best to tie up what was obviously going to come crashing down.

It worked and very little broke. At least nothing I couldn’t live without. I can thank my son for driving the 1500 miles very gently. The offloading was quick. Again, I had hired help. It was worth it to save our strength to put things away. The kids helped me so much getting things where they needed to be when I could no longer do more than point. I’m ever so grateful for that help.

When I put the quilt Emily made on my bed, I was home and cozy.

I’ve unpacked almost everything except some books. Until there are shelves, they remain in stacks of boxes. I look at it all and shaking my head, make a cup of tea and head to bed hoping the next morning will bring a fresh round of energy.

Still no home yet.

In the meantime, I’ve had appointments with a new pulmonologist, chiropractor, and have been lucky enough to get into pulmonary rehab. That just means that they make me exercise while tracking my oxygen level, blood pressure and heart rate. I was rewarded with a handicap placard and 24/7/365 oxygen supply.

my leash inside. Oxygen concentrator.

I’m acclimating to the altitude a second time and doing quite well in spite of the fact that some sort of oxygen apparatus follows me everywhere now. The rehab techs are impressed with my tenacity. I’m hoping to need less oxygen as time goes on. That’s the goal. Sewing is the next goal.

Clutter and shopping cart that now carries oxygen tank

Paring down  is on the list too. As much as I gave away and sold, it just wasn’t quite enough. We are working on unusual storage solutions and I’ll show you what we’ve come up with next time.

How do you feel about sharing the ugly truths in life?

From my heart to yours,

Marlene Herself

Comments on: "The Ugly Truth" (60)

  1. Moving is hard work at many levels, not least emotional. All the best and remember, one day at a time.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the kind encouragement, Pauleen. I am moving at turtle speed these day as high speed has gone out of my motor. I’m ready to do fun things again when I can find a clear spot to sit and do them. Thanks so much for the visit.

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  2. Goodness. I don’t think you’ll quite realise the impact all this is having on you until it’s in the past and the stress starts to wear off. It’s a big thing, Marlene, but I’m glad to see you haven’t lost your sense of humour. I know I’m impressed by your fortitude. xxxxx

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    • I’m moving at turtle speed these days, Jill. It is a bigger thing than we imagine as you probably well know. Can’t lose the sense of humor or you lose your temper. It’s almost at living quality and the kids have helped immensely. Thanks for stopping by. I miss the company. 🙂

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  3. When I emigrated and had to pare down to bare bones, I applied the 3x rule to books: have I read this 3 times? Will I read it 3 times more? If the answer was yes, it came with me, and travelled those 18,000kms. If no way, it was sold or gifted. If no, but… it was put aside to consider as a candidate. There are times I’ve regretted disposing of some of them, mostly reference books, but not many. You will get there. Ultimately, too, we can all apply the LITS rule (Life Is Too Short). If there are bags of craft supplies you haven’t touched after 6 months, LITS applies. Personally, I’m a great fan of track shelving as opposed to book cases. You can change the size and placement, unscrew it from the wall and take it with you. Hugs, and I wish I could come by and help.

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    • You are right about how to pare down. I think that is why I decided to stay stateside. I pared down over a dozen or two boxes of books in preparation for the move. I sold what I could and donated the rest to various charity places. The same with fabric. It was always the question of “will I have enough life left to make this” Fabric left in tubs too. Nothing was sold, all donated to the various charity places. The amounts I’ve given away are staggering. I count my blessings to have had so much that I could share. Each time I’ve moved, I’ve downsized and I like having less to deal with. Now, I ask if what I’m getting is something my kids will want later and if not, will it be useful to someone else. I wish I could screw anything to the walls. We have to use those pull off hooks here to hang anything. Even my curtain rods are on pull off adhesive hooks. Rules! Wait till you see how we are managing lack of drawer space in the kitchen. I was supposed to leave the blinds as they were. I figure they can sue me when I leave here feet first. Those were nasty so my son cut fresh new blinds and we quietly replaced each one. These are washable. 🙂 I try to follow all the rules but sometimes I just have to follow good sense. Thanks for the kind offer of help and the visit. I miss being here and connecting. Getting close to functioning here. Hugs and stay well.

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  4. it is hard on many levels, take your time, you have no deadline and put things where they feel right as you go. i have to live in a place for a bit before i feel what goes where

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    • I always envy people that can set up their places so quickly but I’m just now one of them. You obviously get it that the house tells you where things need to go and how it will function best. This is move #36 for me and the final one. Hopefully. Thanks for stopping by with kind words.

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  5. Getting your things from point A to point B is the hardest part. Now that it’s behind you, you can take your time putting things exactly where you want them. Try not to stress too much. There’s not rush. I’m happy to hear you’re adjusting to the altitude…that’s good news. I wish I lived closer…I’d come and help! xo

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    • You are so sweet to offer the desire to help. Most weekends, the kids come by and spend a couple of hours helping me so I’m very lucky. I try not to let anyone peek inside my door. The man next door had an eye popping, jaw dropping expression when he walked by. Creative people tend to have more “stuff” than others and they don’t understand. I am being forced to take my time. Nothing goes quickly at this stage of life. My house is clean and getting happier every minute. Thanks for visiting. I’ve been thinking of you as I put your books on my shelves. Hugs.

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  6. Just take your time. It takes forever to find the right place for everything. Nothing seems to look right anymore, plus the emotional energy required. I still have a removal box of records to unpack after nearly two years, and well you know I have other things to dispose. I try to do a bit each day. Hugs, xx

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    • A bit each day is always the best goal. Adjusting to the altitude has taken a great deal of my energy so writing wound up at the bottom of the list. I’ve spent so time and energy getting acquainted with new people here as well. Those boxes of records are not vital to your living so they can stay packed until you actually need them. I know you are fully aware of this process more than many. I’ll be catching up soon. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for the visit. I needed the company. 🙂

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  7. Thank you for the update, Marlene. I was thinking about you just yesterday wondering how you’ve been getting along. Moving is stressful and horrible, even under the best of circumstances. Please be kind to yourself.

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    • Thanks for the kind words and thoughts, Liz. I finally felt like I could breathe again and it is getting better each day. I work a bit then sit a bit. This is hopefully the last move and all in all has been a good one. Have a great weekend.

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  8. It’s good to hear how you are doing Marlene. It’s not easy living out of boxes. We had renovations going on recently, and are doing the same, but not the scale you have to cope with. Reducing a household is aways a trying experience complicated for those of us creative types who find that we gave away some widget that we need now for a current project.
    The worse part of reducing is the anxiety of thinking that you’ll never see the end of it. But you’ll gradually create order from the chaos; it’ll just be a different order than before. Part of that I’ve found is that you remember exactly where something is – in the old house or its old location. Very frustrating.

    Take your time.

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    • Thanks for the encouragement, Lou. I used to have a license plate frame that said a creative mind is never tidy. I’m going into half the space I had and it’s the third time I’ve downsized my living space. I decided to go ahead and show the before photos. We will get the after hopefully by the end of April. I don’t envy anyone living with boxed belongings. My daughter works full time and is doing the same thing but without the help of her brother. I’m so lucky he’s handy and likes to make things work easier. I’m so grateful for the creative types. 😉 I’m sorry I haven’t stopped by lately but this is almost done so I’ll have time again soon.

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  9. You’re a trooper Marlene. That stack of stuff is intimidating, but I agree with everyone saying just take things as they come. Enjoy the memories that pop up as you trudge through boxes but remember also that nothing is as important as you and your health.

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    • Thanks so much, Deb. I only brought things that spark good memories and feel good and I love the process of each thing finding it’s right home. I just have to keep my door closed until it no longer shocks the neighbors. I make great progress one day and the next I may have to rest. Trying to build up red blood cells to acclimate up here and it seems to be working. I think I’m done moving. Each time you have to decide what is no longer serving you. You know exactly what I mean. Now I’m going to get showered, dressed, put on my slippers and walk down the hall to have breakfast with a few of my neighbors. Eggs cooked to order just like any restaurant but in my slippers. 🙂 Wait till you see what we have come up with for a storage solution. 🙂

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  10. Thanks for sharing, Marlene! I think we all want to share the “pretty,” not the “ugly.” I know I do. It puts a better spin on life, but that’s not really life. I think you are brave and courageous; tired and still witty. Keep it up, my friend.

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    • Thank you for your kind words, Missy. I’m definitely tired most of the time but also very, very grateful. Every morning that I wake up, I’m just delighted to have another day to play. This place was so ugly when I moved in so I had to rise to the challenge of seeing it’s beauty. It’s there, waiting for me to bring it out. Hope you are doing well and writing some. Miss you much.

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      • There’s always beauty if we seek it. Your warmth will fill every nook and cranny.

        I’m doing well. It’s nice to be mask free, but still feels a little odd at times.

        I haven’t written on either of my blogs for 2 1/2 years. I guess I got tired. I journal everyday, and share short writings on Instagram. I have written some longer pieces, but so far have kept them to myself. I miss seeing you too. Our little writing group was a special time and we all became very close. It’s something I treasure. Continue to cultivate beauty in the desert. xxoo

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  11. Marlene! I was so happy and relieved when I saw you had posted this! I was thinking that I hadn’t seen you around for a while and then here you are! I’m terrible at keeping up with emails. 😦 Moving is stressing. I know this too! You leave so much of yourself behind. I’ve started over so many times from nothing that I’m done with it all. lol
    Oh, I would have changed the blinds too! 🙂 Take care of yourself, first and foremost. Hugs and sending you breathing vibes! ❤

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    • I figure I’ll kiss my deposit goodbye and let them sue my remains. The kids can’t be held accountable and I’m planning on staying for the duration so I’ll make it as nice as possible and enjoy myself. I haven’t had the energy to get what I’d written posted and seriously considered not. This whole month has been exhausting. It’s getting better though. Making progress. I’ve had no time for anything since I run out of steam around noon. ;)) Thanks for caring, Jackie.

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  12. I’m in the process of getting my possessions out of the place that has been temporary (if you can call being there 6 years temporary). At least you have help, I’ve had very little of that and with knees that don’t work well it’s been miserable. I only have a storage unit to take things too, no luck finding a house or financing for one, no apartments available that I can afford except in areas I don’t want to be and would be in danger living in. From the latest information the landlord has given I’ve got till June to find a place. It’s looking like the cat and I are going to be residing in my Tahoe for the summer since housing has not been found yet. I had originally been told I could stay for at least a year, but suddenly in the middle of March i was told to throw all my possessions out, get rid of the cat and just go into public housing – I told him “NO! ain’t gonna happen!!!”. I’ve been acting building manager for the last 2 years and have saved the landlord a good bit of money and worry. So he is just going to have to give a little as to my exit from here. It just is wretchedly maddening.
    I’m glad you had a place and it was a choice to do what you wanted with your things, I was hoping to do something similar but now don’t have the time. I will when I pull things out of storage even though that wasn’t how I wanted to work things out. The step-kids are all too far away and it has been difficult to have to ask people I don’t really know to assist me. It wasn’t like I didn’t have a plan, but the sudden shortening of time blew that right out of the water.
    I’ve had the cat for 6 months and if I’d known then what I do now I wouldn’t have kept him, however I’ve made a commitment and will honor it as best I can, I do have someone who can pet sit for a few weeks which will help.
    Sorry to be so long here. I know you’ll be okay given a little time and patience.

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    • I am so sorry you are having this kind of struggle with housing. There are many here that can no longer afford to live here as the rents have gone quite high even in this remote area. I see how hard it is for so many these days to stay in any form of safe housing. I count my blessings every single moment of the day. I’ll keep you in my thoughts, Aquila.

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  13. Moving is so much work, Marlene! I’m glad things are coming along and loved seeing that beautiful quilt on the bed:)

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  14. “you’ll get there, in your own time” and then you will have fun again and I agree with the tech rehab dude, you don’t give up!

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    • Thanks, Catherine. I’m working here at a snails pace; at least it seems so. Planned to sort the sewing room this morning but the kid offered a ride to the post office and grocery store. All tuckered out so I’ll try again after a nap. Does grocery shopping wear everyone out? I’ll pop by again next week. I’ll be house sitting for the kids and watching the cats so I’ll have more computer time. Keeping my fingers crossed for you and your possible move.

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  15. It’s harder to appreciate the good stuff without the occasional dose of not so good stuff. I’m glad you’re getting settled, and I completely understand about limited bandwidth. Sending gentle hugs. ❤

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    • Thanks for stopping by, Erin. I’m getting to the basics but not much more for awhile. This is a last move for me and shoehorning in 40 pounds of stuff into a 10 pound bag. Creativity at it’s highest lever is required here. I figure it’s all good stuff since I’m still breathing. I just hate to admit I can’t do it all anymore. Thanks for the hugs. Hope you are doing well. I’ll get time next week while house sitting to read a few blogs.

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  16. Hi Marlene! It sounds like you are coming along just fine. You will eventually find places for everything and settle into a nice routine. It’s wonderful you have family to help you. (I would have changed the blinds, too.) Pace yourself and take care of yourself. It sounds like you are on the right track – no ugly truths about it.

    My move recently took place over two days in the rain while I had a wicked head cold. It was miserable. I was fortunate I could leave many things behind – my four bookcases with their books, a filing cabinet with loads of records, and even clothes I would no longer be wearing. I’m a bit of a minimalist here and have loads of empty floor space for pacing. I don’t know why I’m still pacing so much. Hopefully, I’ll find a way to turn this nervous energy into writing soon.

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    • Thanks for stopping by Maddie. Things are starting to shape up nicely here. There is no minimalist in me anymore. I lived that way most of my life and am enjoying all my toys now in my advanced years. Finally, I get to play though I have pared down immensely each time I moved. This is the smallest place yet but it’s working.
      I’m sorry you had to move when you weren’t feeling well. That makes everything so much more difficult. I understand the nervous energy. It plagued me for years. Now I wish I had some of it. 🙂 I might sit with that energy and have a chat with it. It’s telling you something.

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  17. TENACITY is your middle name, Marlene. Say it over and over again, and you hear how beautiful the word is. Because of your tenacity, you will get through this challenge and eventually have a cozy home that you can relax in and get back to reading and writing and some of your hobbies. And YES, we should always write the ugly truth in our reality. No fiction or non-fiction is believable unless the ugly is combined with the beauty. Your beautiful soul shines through it all, though.

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    • Thank you so much for those kind words, Pam. It’s how I am about life. If you can’t tell the whole truth, what’s the point. It would make me untrustworthy. Is that even a word? 🙂 Some days my brain thinks it’s Sunday and has a day off. I’m getting so close to having a functioning home but it will be another week or more before more progress will be made. I’m going to be catching up on blog reading this week. I’ve been thinking of you. Hugs.

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  18. Wow, Marlene that is a overwhelming ask for anyone so please don’t be so hard on yourself! It just takes time. Moving is just never a fun experience. When we moved into our ‘last’ home in 2001 I said that’s it, I’m never moving again until they cart me out of here. I do realize as some of our aging friends have had to adjust that I may not be able to hold fast to this plan but for now….. fingers crossed! I have never mastered the ability to be a quick organizer and it is taken me many years to get to where I am- and still with much left to do! I feel for you how difficult this is to have to regroup and reorganize again. You will get there, my friend! ❤

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  19. Take is slow Marlene… Everything will come together.. And great you have found someone in your new location with a new pulmonologist and chiropractor,… Give yourself time to acclimatise… And the thinning out process of your possessions will soon I am sure begin to sort themselves out… 1,500 miles drive, you did well …. Great too your Son is going to build you new shelving… It will not be long Marlene before you have everything you need in place…
    Sending LOVE and hugs my friend… Great photo shares ❤

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    • You are right, Sue. I have to take it slow. No more choice in that matter anymore. The kids are away for 10 days so they get a bit of a rest and I’m house and cat sitting so nothing is getting done at my place but we all needed a break. I hope to have the energy to post in a couple more weeks a more polished looking place. I’m ready to work on sewing and painting projects soon. Thanks for the visit. Maybe we will both catch up soon. Hugs.

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  20. Hey hey Marlene-a-go-go. Things really do accumulate quickly, don’t they?. I dread the thought of having to downsize again. Good for you for chipping away at it though. I’m afraid my mojo is really stymied by chaos. I blame it on my childhood when nothing (repeat, ‘nothing’) was to be messy. It was drilled down to my DNA. I learned to make a perfect bed at a very young age and continue to be rather fastidious. It really slows me down when I have to stop and clean up in the middle of a project, LOL. Long story short, I wish I could just let go, ignore, work around unorganization. I think I’d get so much more done. Try not to overthink it, don’t be a ‘kelly’ is what I’m trying to say 😀 x💗K

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    • At one time, actually most of it, I was like you, Kelley. Then I became too ill to manage my own expectations. Each year as my health becomes more questionable, I have to keep lowering my demands on myself. I can want to do something and the old body just laughs at me. So I work a little and rest a little now. Each day I look for a glimmer of progress and call it good. I grew up like you did in some fashion. Minimalist and excessively tidy and clean. I’m not normally such a clutter bug and I hate it. Clutter makes me CRAZY! So much is being tossed out or given away as it’s unpacked. Solutions have to be found for cramming a 1600 sq ft creative life into 700 sq. ft with no outside storage. Anything I bring is with the thought of where it goes when I no longer need it. I have 2 more boxes of my daughter’s stuff that got mixed up with mine so we are very systematic about the unpacking. I’m hoping in a few weeks, All will have found it’s home. Getting so close.

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  21. Your son is an angel. I think you will chip away at this bit by bit. Yes, let your new home speak to you and tell you what it wants. You have all the time in the world and no deadline. That’s good news on your doctors. Looking forward to your next post. Best to you, Marlene.

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  22. Little-by-little, step-by-step, you are really making progress, Marlene! “Let each day be what it needs to be.” This quote, from Morgan Harper Nichols, has been guiding me lately. It’s lovely to see your cozy touches helping you begin to feel at home, especially the beautiful Flower Basket quilt! Creative souls must take time to organize the collection of supplies that we have curated over the years. Moving is definitely one of life’s biggest, most stressful challenges. Please reward all of your hard work with a small ‘creative step’ each day! Wishing you relaxing, comfortable days in your new home, dear Marlene! 💗

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  23. My beloved friend. So sorry for the late visit. What a heap of stuff to go through. Moving is so hard and takes so long – for everyone! Not just for people who need oxygen and tire with exertion. I didn’t help you with unpacking at all when I was there, but maybe it was helpful that we just left the mess and went for a drive, ha ha. I wish you could snap your fingers and have it done. Hugs. ❤

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    • oh. The Ugly Truth – I forgot to answer. Yes, it’s one of the tools I’ve learned to use. If I’m embarrassed, or hesitant, or scared about something…then I figure it’s something I need to face. Publishing on my blog is a trick I’ve used to face things. Funny thing is, when I say it “out loud,” it loses its strength and things are not as bad as I felt they were. When I’m hurt, sad, in pain, I say that out loud too, and it loses power over me. So, you asked how we feel about sharing ugly truths. I feel that I should do it more often. I feel it’s hard to do. I feel good when I can talk about my ugly truths and not make it sound like I’m begging for sympathy, in the way you have succeeded in not sounding whiny. That’s my aim. To express that I don’t like the situation, and that I plan to change it, eventually, somehow.

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    • Leaving the mess and having a fun few hours was the perfect way to deal with it. Come back with fresh eyes and renewed exuberance. I’m getting there, slowly. Lost 10 days while house and cat sitting but I’ll catch up this next week. It’s all taking shape. Still misplacing things though. Once it all has a home, that will stop. I’m never moving again. I said that before but this time I’m certain. I’ll catch up with you this weekend.

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    • Totally off topic, but I just wanted a place to send a quick note. If you want a good laugh, please pop over to my friend Andrew’s blog for his recent post: https://apetcher.wordpress.com/2022/04/27/east-anglia-the-evolution-of-caravans/ I hope you find it as hilarious as I did. No one else commented about how funny it was, but every single paragraph had me giggling and at a few I laughed out loud.

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      • I have his page open to read later but I have to make the print bigger first. Going with the kids to Flag tomorrow and it’s already late tonight. I’ll let you know when I get it done. Hugs.

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  24. I think you are right about sharing the ‘ugly’ truths in life. In fact, they are often not truly ugly, just not the tv-image of perfection. I prefer order and organization, but have so rarely been able to have that. I completely identify with you trying to fit 40 lbs into a 10 lb space . . .

    It’s hard for me to understand what’s behind the sort of rules you have to deal with (and which I’m doing my best not to have to deal with); why would it be deemed better for you to have ugly, nicotine-stained blinds than nice fresh ones? Especially when you provided the new ones yourself . . . In another world, I’d love to have several friends like you and share a piece of property, with common areas and private living spaces. Studio space for those large things like weaving and spinning, with lock-up cupboards for individual tools. Ah, well . . .

    I agree with everyone else here about just taking your time, doing what’s possible, then resting as needed. You’ll get stronger and things will get done.

    I do hope you got some rest at your son’s place. At least cats aren’t too demanding . . . well, most of them aren’t! I know you are aiming to be done by the end of the month, but if not, I’m sure you’ll adapt to a new timeline.

    I’m thinking of you and wishing, like so many other friends, that I could just pop in and help out. At least then it would be fun . . .

    Take care, Marlene. Sending love and hugs your way. ~ Linne

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    • Good to hear from you, Linne. You are on my mind almost daily as I want to send an email and forget if I did or not. I may be a week of the target date for all to be done but it is so close. They make these stupid rules because the complex was up for sale and the seller wanted everyone to keep the looks uniform. Some folks require more rules than others as they take more liberties with property than is reasonable. I’m ignoring a lot of silliness and going for reasonable. The new blinds and small nails to hold art are reasonable. They can sue me when I’m gone. I won’t care but I don’t think they really do either. The place sold last month to an out of state corporation. You can imagine how that’s going to go. I like your idea. It would take clear intention and a lot of planning with good people. But I’m not moving again. This is it and I’m cozy. Till later, Hugs and love, M

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  25. Marlene, my heart goes out to you for going through so much with this move. It does look and sound chaotic. Moving is so awful for just that reason alone. I’m glad you’ve gotten your medical care lined up though. That is probably the most important thing. And your son sounds like a gem. The movers NOT so much. Sending hugs!!!

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    • Thanks so much, Luanne. The chaos is coming to an end and order is almost in place. It’s only taken two months! The movers at this end were wonderful. The boss loading was more interested in anything but the job. His assistant did all the work and would have done more but boss was in a hurry to get out of there. My son is a gem. He just brought over the second bookcase he built for me yesterday. The kids have worked hard to get me all the things I need to make this little place a home. It’s getting quite cozy and I’m starting to catch my breath in every way. 🙂 I’ll get by your place this week. You have been very much on my mind. Hugs back down the mountain to you.

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  26. We moved a year ago and are not even close to know where everything goes. We just figure things out little by little.

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    • And you both work full time with lots of social engagements with family and friends. You have more to focus on than I have here. I’ll get it but it will take a little bit longer than hoped for. A new place lets you know how it wants to be used and as you listen to it, you figure it out. It all takes longer than we’d like. Keep enjoying your life. That’s the important part.

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