Looking for answers to life's questions

Secrets

I am not a fan of secrets. They can be very destructive. I do think we all keep secret; often about ourselves. In truth, very little can be kept hidden for long. There are plenty of novels based on that fact.

Thanks for visiting here

We kept a small secret for a couple of months here and it was very hard for me to do it. When you tell your secret to anyone else, and of course it often has to be shared, you risk the chance of it slipping out accidentally. Sometimes, you need an accomplice to be complicit in the secret to achieve your goal.

Peggy’s door wreath

When I was in Portland with my daughter last month, we were chatting about the holidays and birthdays. She has a big one coming up next year and her brother had a significant one coming up around Thanksgiving. Because he is a VERY private person, I’ll try to be mindful of details. We agreed that Christmas was not the time to travel to our mountain area as weather can be unpredictable. My daughter wanted to surprise her brother by flying up for the Thanksgiving holiday and his birthday. I had to share the secret with the cooks so they had an accurate head count.

Peggy’s wall hanging

There was a small Thanksgiving lunch at the Senior Center that was free to all that signed up. Even our families were allowed to participate. I signed up four of us but told my son we were just three attending the noon group so his wife could attend. The plan was to have my daughter slip out and be seated at our table and have him see her there. He walked right passed her as we went to sign in. He said there were three of us to the person in charge and she looked at her list. It said four. That took a bit of fancy dancing for a moment but I came back later to make sure we had the numbers right for her records.

The holidays are full of secrets so we can have surprises. We do it every year to some extent. It was definitely a surprise for my son. He had asked weeks earlier if there was a chance his sister would fly out for Christmas. I could honestly answer that the was not a chance of that happening. I didn’t have to lie, just avoid the whole truth. I didn’t get pictures so I’m sharing photos of my neighbor’s Thanksgiving decor with you instead. She really does the holidays up in style, also my depth of gratitude, mostly for my family.

Found on the internet somewhere. Books bind my family too.

The end of autumn is here and we are in full swing of secret season. Secrets take a lot of energy but the end result can be good or not so good.

What is your take on secrets and surprises.

There are no secrets that time does not reveal. ~Jean Racine

From my heart to yours,

Marlene Herself

Comments on: "Secrets" (44)

  1. Certain secrets are healthy as parent to child in their personal life. If a person chooses to reveal themselves, that’s their choice. Great blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    • If I’m told something in confidence, I keep that way. It’s their story to tell, not mine. Keeping secrets on holidays is a bit harder. I’m always glad when the surprise season is over. Thanks for stopping by.

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  2. I’m familiar with the whole ” not the whole truth”, and concealed details routine. Growing up it was the only way to keep things hidden until Christmas morning.
    I’m glad you had a great holiday, Marlene.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s a hard spot to be in but often necessary. I’m good at keeping secrets and confidences but I don’t like to have to do that. Unfortunately, with my growing up like I did, I learned early to dance around some truths especially if it meant someone would be physically hurt by the truth. I’d rather have the omission of truth be something that brings a happy moment. Hope you had a good holiday too, Lou.

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  3. First, Peggy really goes all out! I suspect she enjoys making the hall and her area colorful and fun for everyone to see though. I’m glad your acceptable secret stayed unknown and was a great surprise. It’s not easy to keep things hidden and sometimes it backfires when all is revealed. I think I’m more of a fan of just being straightforward from the start.

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    • I’m with you on this. It’s so easy to surprise small children than adults. I’d rather be straight forward too. The problem was also we didn’t know for certain that the plan was going to pan out. So much can happen to spoil travel plans. I’m pretty sure this was a one time deal though. Peggy can even out decorate me and was so happy to show me what she had done. I have her Christmas decor already photographed. My place is still bare. Ran out of steam for now.

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  4. While surprises at holiday time can be fun, keeping the secrets can be stressful. I’m glad to hear you had a good Thanksgiving with your family. Mine was good as well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Keeping secret surprises for small children is very different than for adults. The end result when the recipient is very surprised and happy is sometimes worth it but I’m still not much of a fan. I’m an open book person. Glad you had a great Thanksgiving. I wish it was mid year from Christmas though.

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  5. The best is when secrets become light, loving and healing. Thank you for sharing this Marlene.
    At the end of the day we all want to love and belong, and not let secrets holds us back from being true to ourselves in the world … and especially to our families.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. As long as secrets are done out of love and don’t harm anyone, I’m okay with them. I’m happy you had a nice time with your family, Marlene.

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    • Thanks so much, Jill. I’m ok with a happy surprise secret but not other kinds. Though if someone tells me something in confidence, it stays with me and goes no further. I don’t know if that is the same as a secret but I never tell others what I hear. Not my place. Hope you had a lovely Thanksgiving and thank you for the visit.

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  7. I’ve found the trick with secrets like that is to keep it simple, speak as much truth as you can and with conviction, and avoid the temptation to over-explain, justify or give too much detail. Sounds like you got the job done 😀 I hope you had a joyful and blessed Thanksgiving, and a beautiful day with your family.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I heartily agree with your advice. We did pull it off and had a lovely day. These siblings that were raised by the same parents are night and day. When one reaches out to the other, it’s time to rejoice. They see the world so differently. I was so happy to have them together even for a little while. Thank you so much, Kate. I’m trying to catch up now. 🙂

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      • I have siblings like that (I’m one of seven). One of you has to make the effort, and the other is (usually) pleased to meet, and then part again amicably. You can’t force closeness with such different personalities.

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      • Agreed, and I don’t. I was so glad it was my daughter’s idea. I can see both sides but can’t make anyone do what they don’t want to do. They will find common ground on occasion. 🙂 I have a brother I haven’t seen in 22 years and don’t know where he is or if even still alive. I miss him but can’t make him connect. So be it. Just sad.

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      • I have one I haven’t seen for 20+ years. He will only speak to one of us, and then only if she calls first and he feels like it. His choice; we’ve all reached out without success. Our problem is that we’re all so far-flung, in different countries, continents and hemispheres… Ah well, at least there’s phones, Skype, FaceTime and Google Meet!

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  8. Marlene, what a wonderful secret. One worth keeping until the time came, but that wasn’t terribly long. Secrets with no end in sight are the WORST.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Oh well done on pulling off that surprise. We are currently trying to pull a similar one for my middle son. He is exceedingly good at finding things out, so we have really tried a double bluff on him. So he knows that I have already passed his present to his wife, so hopefully won’t be suspecting we will all be with him in person. As to secrets I am ok with them as long as I’m not asked outright. And I don’t so much have secrets as choose not to talk about somethings.

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    • I’m with you on not talking about things, Cathy. My first husband said my handwriting indicated I was very secretive. I just kept so much to myself and was careful who I shared things with. I’ve always had an expression, “don’t tell the trolls.” People who like to quash dreams and spirits. Secret surprises are fun to pull off. I hope yours goes well too. Keep us posted.

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  10. I love this secret! I’m sure it was a great surprise for your son and family. Have a wonderful Holiday Season ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • It was a great surprise for my son. If he was wise to it, he never let on. I got stopped on my way to the table so I have now clue. It’s the one kind of secret I don’t mind keeping but it’s still hard. Hope you are having a good holiday season as well and a good Thanksgiving too. Lets hope Christmas is a bit low key. 😉 Maybe when you move to AZ you can swing up to the mountains once in a while. Hugs.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Secrets can be super fun and exciting! Life itself is full of secrets… we just have to look closer and let the mysteries surprise us. 😉

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    • I do love the mysteries of life and those are the secrets that I love to see unfold. Surprises of the gift nature are almost always nice. Just not the kind that eat a hole in the soul. It was so much fun to surprise my son. I did a surprise 50th for my last husband and hid the food and drinks right under his nose. He was stunned to find our house full of people. Thanks for stopping by.

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  12. Oh, I’m fully aware of a whole lot of secrets, especially in my elderly sisters family. The offspring will say they have no secrets but they do, and their parents (My sister and her husband) were the big keeper of some secrets, some that they thought it was best “not to tell” and actually caused way more grief when they were “found”. And as they have all grown the offspring, I know so much about each of them, which sadly they believe I know “nothing”

    I do have some goals and plans that are not for open discussion – for most of my life. Sometimes it’s my supportive friends who know more than any “family”

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    • I have a saying when it comes to whether we tell people things. “Don’t tell the trolls”. They are the dream killers and confidence squashers. My parents kept a secret about something that caused me to have nightmares until I was 14. When a great aunt finally told me the truth, I stopped having the nightmares immediately. I don’t mind short term, happy secrets of the gifting nature. You are right though, some things just don’t need to be brought out into the light if they do more harm than good. It’s just using common sense that’s usually missing. Thanks for stopping by, Catherine.

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  13. What a wonderful surprise for your son! Secrets are hard to keep, but this one was well worth it. I’m so happy for you and your family, Marlene. Sending you blessings and good wishes for the holidays!

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    • Thank you so much, Jennie. It was fun and made both my kids happy. It was fun getting all the co-conspirators to help pull it off. Christmas is going to be quieter.

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      • You’re welcome, Marlene. I’m so glad for you and the kids! It’s wonderful to have a Thanksgiving holiday with family, and then it’s equally wonderful to have a quieter Christmas holiday. I’m in the midst of it, now. 😀

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  14. I’m glad TS and H got together. And you mentioned how different they are that when they reach out to each other, it is something to celebrate. I was wondering that. They do seem so different, and when I’m with either, they don’t speak longingly of each other’s company, so I had very little idea of how much they felt the desire to spend time together. It is good to know that the love in their hearts extends to wanting to share special times with each other, and to keep their connections strong as adults. It must feel so good, as their parent, to see that. Happy belated Thanksgiving, my friend. I can see that you had a particularly good one. The hallway festivities are great! Thanks for sharing all those photos.

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    • My kids are like a microcosm of the world that gets frustrated because we don’t all see life the same way. It’s time we just accepted that we are all going to look at things differently and stop trying to change others perspective. I can disagree with someone’s view of how the world should be and still care about them deeply. No point in making every encounter a battleground. I doubt this connecting will happen again. But they do care about each other. I’ll send a note soon. Thinking of you always.

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  15. Good Surprises are worth keeping a secret for ! How funny your son walked right past your daughter, LOL. It must have been hard not to laugh out loud. I’m so happy you were able to all get together for Thanksgiving. I don’t know if it’s as big a holiday here. Jim and I don’t do much and my brothers get together with inlaws. Christmas is the bigger holiday for us. I love Christmas.
    I just got a really good secret surprise last week. My BFF Nadine moved to Langley BC this summer when her hubby took a job there. Last Wednesday I got a DM asking, “what are you up too”. I replied, “just crafting in my pj’s, want to Facetime?” After I didn’t get an answer, I said, “I’m in my PJ’s and no makeup”. Then the doorbell rang and I didn’t hear Jim coming to the door, so I rushed down thinking I’d just peek out to see who it was. Well it was my beautiful friend surprising me, LOL ! I opened the door, we both screamed and had a great big hug, LOL. It was soooo awesome.

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    • Those kinds of friends don’t care about pajamas or makeup. They come because they love you. Yes, those are the best surprises! My daughter had her back to him and we were on a mission to get signed in for some extra time. There were quite a lot of people in the dining room so we had to watch our step. It was so much fun! Glad you had a good time with a girlfriend.

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  16. Hi! I’ve missed you! Secrets are a double-edge sword. In your case, it turned out well and was all for a good cause. How sweet, and it must have been so fun to see your son’s expression when he finally saw his sister. That’s a “good” secret. But family member’s have so many secrets from each other, and I don’t think it’s healthy, nor necessary. Are we shielding someone’s feelings? Some people just want privacy, but that’s hard when you’re part of a family, and it can hurt feelings. The older I get, the more opposed I am to secrets (except for your kind here!)

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    • I am in full agreement with you here, Pam. I had nightmares until I was 14 about an event where I was left standing and abandoned. Then a family member heard about the nightmare and explained it was a true event with all the details. That was the end of the nightmares. I hate when grownups think they are sparing their children by hiding truth. I like a good surprise but secrets are just not healthy. Thanks for the visit. Hope you are well.

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