Looking for answers to life's questions

Posts tagged ‘Love’

In Search of a Date’s New Meaning

We all remember certain days of the year that have meaning for us. Today, October 19th, is one such date for our family. For most of you it’s just another day. Usually, some event will turn it from ordinary to memorable.

Twenty-Three years ago, on this date, my children lost their father. He had one heart attack, no warning, and was gone in an instant at 42 years of age. Our son tried to save him but couldn’t. We were no longer married at the time but still, I cared deeply for him and was angry with him for dying. I know, it’s an odd response. I was angry that he didn’t take care of himself well enough to be there for his kids.

Rick, two days younger than me.

Rick, two days younger than me.

Rick’s death changed us all. Every year, October 19th rolls around and we all get quieter. We reflect on what could have been and the empty space that was left behind. He left two wonderful slightly grown children. His family of origin took it hard too, of course.

We tried really hard.

We tried really hard.

Today, Rick’s younger brother, John is attempting to give this date a slightly different meaning. John is getting re-married today and although we are too far away to attend, our hearts and our love are with him. John is a month younger than my son, his nephew. Yes, those things do happen.

Age 18 months John has the darker hair.

Age 18 months John has the darker hair.

There are many dates on our calendars that are significant for various reasons. Some make us happy, some, not so much. Some dates we have to find a way to redefine. I have a number of dates that rub me a bit raw. Then I try to find ways to celebrate each and every day and moment with each person here or not. I never forget an “I love you” or a hug. Events change us and remind us how precious each moment can be. There is no “later”. Only NOW.

Best wishes to John and Linda as they embark on a new meaning for this day. I hope it brings nothing but happy memories and new ways to define this date.
How many days have you had to give new meaning?

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself

In Search of My Sister

I’ve come out of my cave this week. This may be the last of the hibernation. With the assistance of some wise words by a fellow blogger, I began to understand the reason for the retreat. When a blogger said she didn’t own a self-help book, I had to take a look at why I needed so many.

The last three years have brought many changes. Not all of the changes were pleasant, all were necessary. Through it all, I’ve had my sister to support me, along with my wonderful adult children. Sis has gone through so much more hardship than I can even imagine and we are both somewhat lacking an essential ingredient to make life as successful as it could be.

Lonely seagull waiting, watching

Lonely seagull waiting, watching

Self-esteem, not inflated ego, is absolutely necessary to healthy relationships. Unfortunately, you can’t get that from a self-help book. Three years ago, she came to my rescue with a big yellow truck and drove it 1800 miles while my daughter helped me pack and drove my car. This weekend, it was my turn to rescue her.

Sweet Downtown
 Port Townnsend, WA.

Sweet Downtown
Port Townnsend, WA.

She was left stranded with no vehicle and no phone four hours away in a lovely little town. Fortunately, she had her laptop and e-mailed me. We had to wait until Friday afternoon when my daughter got off work and could drive while I navigated the unfamiliar roads. Somehow, my daughter and son have healthier self-esteem and I’m grateful for them both.

Would have been nice to be stranded here but not in our budgets

Would have been nice to be stranded here but not in our budgets

The reason my sister was so far away was so she would be cut off from any support system. When a person you are in a relationship with starts to separate you from those that care about you, warning bells often go off. Many of us chose to ignore the bells. I’ve actually had the hair stand up on the back of my neck to warn me that I was approaching a bad situation. That, I listened to, thankfully.

That was the other reason I had retired to my cave. I felt helpless to do anything and devastated at the possible loss of someone else I loved. All I could do was sleep, eat and pray. Someone must have heard the prayers because the spell has been broken. I was going to leave her there if it had not been. It’s interesting the things we as humans will do to be loved by another. Intelligence has very little to do with it. Human behavior is something that I am absolutely fascinated by.

Ships reminder at the dock

Ships reminder at the dock

Now I feel like I can work again. I’ve been slugging away at a project that just wouldn’t come together until now. Hopefully, by evening it will be in the finishing stages. Pictures will follow if success is achieved.

Know your comments are always appreciated and taken to heart. I may be an old woman but I still have so many lessons to learn in this lifetime. This one taught us both so much. I am grateful to have found that sister I love so much once again.

I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing. ~ Agatha Christie

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself