Looking for answers to life's questions

Posts tagged ‘Time’

In Search of the Lost

Happy New Year One and All. I have never been so glad to see a new year as I have this year. I’m not saying the last year was bad by any stretch of the imagination. It was challenging at best and I’m totally worn out.

Having spent the last six months of it going from being quite content with my perfectly lovely apartment to moving into my own home brought about some surprising stresses. I lost things. While moving 5 times in the last 5 years, things went missing. Still have not found my saucepans and cannot bring myself to get others as I’m sure they will appear when I stop looking. I am missing a drawer caddy filled with crafting tools and as I was trying to make banana bread, the masher could not be located. It did eventually turn up as will all the other things I’m missing, I hope.
Arriving home late December 1 after being away for five weeks, I woke up and it was already January 1. Where had the time gone? So much had happened or not happened.

Wonderful gifts came in from perfect strangers (perfect in my opinion anyway) and new friends alike. I’ll show you soon. Somehow in the rush of it all, cards were detached from gifts so I couldn’t figure out where some things came from. There was a sweet bookmark with a paper cut snowflake and for the life of me I can’t find who sent it. I received a beautiful card with no return address and a signature I couldn’t make out.

Will the sender please let me know who you are. I so appreciate the gift.

Will the sender please let me know who you are. I so appreciate the gift.

I’ve lost time. Time to promptly send thank you notes for the wonderful gifts I’ve received. I’ve lost the time to make many of the gifts I wanted so much to send out. I lost my oomph for the holiday and just as I almost located it, the holiday was over. Darn. I may have lost my patience once or twice and I’ve lost my sister as a housemate. Though she’s delighted with and extra hour at each end of the day to do better things than to sit in the parking lot we call a freeway.

When I have some time.

When I have some time.

Here's how I thought time got away from me.

Here’s how I thought time got away from me.

I’ve lost my battle with the bulge. I’m hoping it’s not gone permanently. I’ve lost my home to a bit more clutter than I’d like and next week once the weather has warmed up to just cold, Christmas will go back in its boxes and I’ll hunt for clutter free surfaces again. A great deal of my clutter will find its way to an online sale.

Please let me know if you come across my mind. I haven't made it up yet.

Please let me know if you come across my mind. I haven’t made it up yet.

I’m sure you have all heard the old adage, “of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most”. Well, mine has been missing for quite a while now and I’m in desperate need of it. When something is lost you go back to the last time you remember having it. Oops. I don’t remember when that was. My mind wanders off alone, unsupervised so often, that sometimes I don’t realize it’s gone. If you happen to see it, tell it there will be a cookie waiting if it goes back home. That usually does the trick for a bit.

Another card with no return address to say thank you.

Another card with no return address to say thank you.

Next time I’ll tell you about my search for all the things I’ve gained. Don’t shake your head, I know what you are thinking here. I’m too tired right now to care about that and I want to give it proper attention. There is always tomorrow, I hope.

What have you lost that you would like to find in the New Year?

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself

In Search of a Bit More Time

It’s here, it’s here and as usual, I’m not ready. Where did the time go? I realize I’m a good time waster. I love to just sit and read or write or even watch a good sappy holiday movie on television. I know, I know. Some of you are telling me to get rid of the TV so I can get more done. Have given that great thought but in the healing process, sometimes you have to just sit there and do nothing.

My kitchen helpers are busy too

My kitchen helpers are busy too

I made my lists, checked them twice but unfortunately, timing is everything and nothing ever goes according to plan. I forgot to make a shirt my son had envisioned for someone on his list because I couldn’t find the right shirt in a good color. So once he was here, I let him pick out the shirt and I worked at doing the embroidery, praying (really hard) that it came out straight. Very small shirt on very large hoop made me break into a tiny sweat.

It's a play on her name and it came out straight

It’s a play on her name and it came out straight

I managed to finish another batch of snowflakes with each taking 45 minutes to stitch out. I did get some reading done while keeping an eye on the machine and replacing bobbins as they ran out. Hard work? Not really.

The bakery is open and the fat friars are working hard.

The bakery is open and the fat friars are working hard.


Groceries were bought in the early morning hours when others were having their first cup of coffee so that’s done. But somehow, with company in and out and stuff being moved from one room to another to accommodate and visit, I let myself get too relaxed, falling a tiny bit behind, as usual. I no longer stress about the holidays but I always want to do one more thing. I just need a bit more time.

I’m not signing up for the winter semester of writing class to spend more time getting sewing and embroidery projects done. I don’t have the stamina for all of it but I will miss seeing everyone. We had a grand time at potluck in mid-December. Santa even showed up and had brunch with us.

Even Santa had a story to read. It was quite moving.

Even Santa had a story to read. It was quite moving.

Today we go see family and deliver our gifts to the youngsters. None is all that little anymore. My daughter has done her usual magic and made our tiny purchases look like they came from Saks Fifth Ave. I’m always happy to have someone to feed and spoil a bit so having company is a bit of heaven for me. Cooking for an army is easy, for one, not so easy.

May your day be filled with all the good we received. Yummy!

May your day be filled with all the good we received. Yummy!

So as you can see, I’ve run out of time and space and I know you have so little time left you probably won’t get to read this till next week, but that’s ok. Cut yourself some slack and if you find a tiny bit more time, ENJOY it! That’s what I’m going to with mine…if it shows up. Merry Christmas or Happy Holiday to you and yours.

Just one question. Are you ready for it to be over or are you already planning for next year’s Christmas?

From my heart to yours,
Marlene Herself

In Search of Time

What is it about time that has us all in such a state? We are always running out of it or have too much of it on our hands. Often time seems to fly or it can drag on and on.

I like to read about all the changes in sciences perception of time. First they say that time is speeding up; then they say it’s slowing down. I’ve been reading a rather lengthy article on Wired Science by Sean Carroll to try to understand time a bit better. He has a theoretical physicists’ approach to understanding time. Here is a tiny excerpt._

The past is different from the future. We remember the past but we don’t remember the future. There are irreversible processes. There are things that happen, like you turn an egg into an omelet, but you can’t turn an omelet into an egg.

http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2010/02/what-is-time/

It’s called entropy.

What I want to understand is why time slows down when you are waiting to get well but speeds up when you are in the company of great friends. I always have a long list of things to do which only gets longer as I check things off that list but I run out of time to get them done. If I’m looking forward to an event, time drags on till that moment finally gets there. Then miraculously the event is over before you can blink an eye. It’s like Christmas when we were kids versus Christmas when we are parents.

This year is supposed to be the end of time according to the Mayan calendar. How is that going to work? Maybe time will just seem different. I’m not too worried about it since I’m always running out of time anyway.
When I was raising kids, I would swear that I needed a 48 hour day. Then, while I was working in my office with not enough work to keep me looking busy, that day would feel 48 hours long. I kept checking the clock but for hours on end, it just didn’t move.

Time is the most precious commodity we as humans have. Animals do not care about time. I haven’t seen even one wearing a watch or checking the clock. I first became aware of the time crunch when my mother moved into her manufactured home next door to me. I was aware on some level that her illness was terminal. Pulmonary Fibrosis, also known as Interstitial Lung Disease, has according to the internet, a two-five year life expectancy. We didn’t know how long she’d had it before they diagnosed it. I spent every minute I could with her during that year while still trying to give her the autonomy she desired. Then they found a tumor under her ribs and let her know it was there. She was gone in seven days and I was rocked to my foundation. I wanted more time with her.

The following year I was diagnosed with the same illness that took my mother’s life. It showed up on the x-rays. That’s when time became something to be truly passionate about. I wanted more time and by gosh, I was going to get it. So I meditated daily and prayed hard. The next x-ray showed nothing. Maybe it was a flaw in the film. I didn’t care. That was 10 years ago and I had a bit more time.

But do we ever use that precious time wisely enough? How is it supposed to be spent? Like money in the bank, you have choices to make about your time. To me it’s more precious than gold though sometimes I fritter away my money as well as my time. Now when I want to be doing something creative, my body says “no, you must rest to make up for all the running this poor body into the ground.” Bells Palsy is here to give me time and take my time. I get to read long articles about time and to do the writing I’ve never had time for. Sometimes when I’m resting I feel like I’m wasting time. We were big on getting things accomplished in my family and resting was never on the list.

It seems the less time we have, the more precious it is to us. I spent the first 18 years with my family of origin minus one to recover from a trauma. The next 18 were spent with my first husband and our children. Although by then we had been divorced for 5 years, my first husband didn’t get enough time, passing from this earth at only 42.

I invested, not so wisely, the next 25 with the last husband that wanted all my time. I still didn’t have a clue as to how little time there was to accomplish so many things on my list. As I was leaving I declared that I was burning daylight. The rest is my time and I am using it carefully. Getting well is still at the top of my list of things to accomplish. Even if wellness never happens, I get to write, take classes on writing, read, garden, sew and spend time with family and friends that support and nourish me rather than drain me. I can also continue to give of my time and resources without restraint.

Time is an illusion.”
― Albert Einstein

From my heart to yours,
Marlene