I am feeling better each day. Once again I can sense the possibility of wellness approaching. I remind myself that I am not my illness. It’s just an experience I’m going through and not a definition of who I am. The weather has been nice and warm this last week so it’s back to pulling weeds and getting the ground ready to plant. My son drove us to the nursery yesterday to buy hedging plants. He bought 14 of them so I get to dig the holes and plant them around the fence line. The shovel keeps me balanced. I am fully myself when digging in the dirt and making it possible for things to grow. It’s very meditative. He’s patient with my digging holes to compost green waste from the kitchen. Not something a bachelor computer geek is interested in doing himself. I’m an organic gardener when I have a garden to tend. I’m going to miss this when I finally go back up to Oregon this spring. It will be apartment living for a while. I have found a complex that is on a bus line, walking distance to the community college and the grocery store. How much better could you have it?
So with all the resting I do, it occurred to me that it was the chiropractor, not the neurologist told me that the nerve endings take so much longer to heal in the head than on most of the body. Why is that? Why would the chiropractor be the one to tell me? But 2 years to heal? I’m not the laying down and do nothing kind of person. Yes, I’ve been resting way more than normal but I still like to push myself to a point. I wonder if I had gone to bed and stayed there if the Bells Palsy would have gone away faster. Someone had to walk the dog. I miss walking the dog. I want to call all the doctors’ offices and let them know how complex this illness can be. I don’t think most of them know. But since I no longer have medical insurance, I can’t go to them anymore and the last doctor I went to didn’t want to hear about it.
I tend to lean more heavily on alternate modalities of treatment these days anyway. Massage, chiropractic, acupuncture, etc. as well as a small regiment of vitamins. I do not take any prescription drugs. At my age, that’s rare. Most people my age are constantly talking about the drugs they take for this or that. The thing is, they never get well enough to stop taking the drugs. So what’s the point? I want to see wellness as the end result. So I take my B-vitamins, D-3, CoQ10 and now in the last 2 weeks, Protandim, an herbal combination. I’m wondering if that isn’t what has given me the boost in the healing department but it’s too soon to tell. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part. My son pays for and insists on the Protandim. No, I’m not peddling. Just doing my own research. I’ve finally eliminated the sugar completely from my diet and all the starchy stuff. It’s down to organic basics. I guess if you’ve tortured your body with extreme amounts of stress and poor eating habits for much of your life, then turning it all around takes a bit of practice and time.
I think that’s been one of the many gifts of this illness; accepting that it’s ok to take care of myself. I’ve always been the care giver. I would never take care of someone else the way I didn’t take care of myself. I haven’t rested since I was able to walk but that is another story for another time. The guilt of putting my own needs first has been removed. I am learning to trust that everything will work out ok and I don’t have to be tortured to be worthwhile.
Stress is a part of life. It forces growth; like it or not. I’ve decided that I want my growth in slower spurts so I’ve trimmed the stressors and changed the way I look at some of them. I think it will be healthier in the long run. I’ll keep you posted on whether that works.
From my heart to yours,